The Mariners Suck
I think it's pretty public knowledge, especially in the Northwest, that the Mariners suck this year. Some people may not be willing to admit it, but I have begun to embrace the suck. The Mariners suck so bad that they even suck at their suckiness. As in just when they've hit rock-bottom in their suckitude they start winning games.
I tuned the radio to the game in the 7th or 8th inning this evening. It was a commercial break, and when they returned from break the first thing I heard Dave Niehaus comment on was the vast number of scoring opportunities that had been squandered by the Mariners this evening. Squander is just a synonym for suck, you know. So I begin thinking to myself how bad the Mariners suck and THEN come to discover they're sitting on a 1-0 lead. They won the game 3-0 this evening.
So I've got a new baseball superstition now. Because during this season it seems that when I really start complaining about how the Mariners suck they start putting up good numbers. And then when I change my mind and start to think maybe they aren't that bad after all they go and start sucking again. So you'll hear nothing from my the rest of the season about how good the Mariners are, just about how much they suck.
In some ways this is really tough, because it's not easy to chastise the team you love on a constant basis, but in other ways it is oh-so-easy compared to some baseball traditions.
When I worked for a team we had a lot of superstitions in the press box, but there was one that involved me (directing game ops), the official scorer, a certain pitcher on our team who had not specified warm-up music and the song "Eye of the Tiger." I don't remember all of the subtle nuances, but when the pitcher was in a clutch situation the scorer would come over to where I was sitting and through a very indirect method insist that I play the song as part of the between-inning music. And it may sound silly, but the night of the first-ever nine-inning perfect game in Northwest League history we executed our superstitious little ritual to PERFECTION.
So no more nice words about the Mariners from me. They suck suck suck suck suck suck suck.
I tuned the radio to the game in the 7th or 8th inning this evening. It was a commercial break, and when they returned from break the first thing I heard Dave Niehaus comment on was the vast number of scoring opportunities that had been squandered by the Mariners this evening. Squander is just a synonym for suck, you know. So I begin thinking to myself how bad the Mariners suck and THEN come to discover they're sitting on a 1-0 lead. They won the game 3-0 this evening.
So I've got a new baseball superstition now. Because during this season it seems that when I really start complaining about how the Mariners suck they start putting up good numbers. And then when I change my mind and start to think maybe they aren't that bad after all they go and start sucking again. So you'll hear nothing from my the rest of the season about how good the Mariners are, just about how much they suck.
In some ways this is really tough, because it's not easy to chastise the team you love on a constant basis, but in other ways it is oh-so-easy compared to some baseball traditions.
When I worked for a team we had a lot of superstitions in the press box, but there was one that involved me (directing game ops), the official scorer, a certain pitcher on our team who had not specified warm-up music and the song "Eye of the Tiger." I don't remember all of the subtle nuances, but when the pitcher was in a clutch situation the scorer would come over to where I was sitting and through a very indirect method insist that I play the song as part of the between-inning music. And it may sound silly, but the night of the first-ever nine-inning perfect game in Northwest League history we executed our superstitious little ritual to PERFECTION.
So no more nice words about the Mariners from me. They suck suck suck suck suck suck suck.
posted by Swankette at 10:42 PM
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