Defense of Marriage
This post is in response to the comments on a post over at Three Bed Two Bath. Specifically, this comment by a poster named Tom:
I'm getting married in just under two months. My best friend is getting married less than a month after that. I'm getting married to the man of my dreams, and she is getting married to the woman of hers.
We're both planning our weddings, with all the highs and lows that entails. We're both having a religious officiant, guests, pretty dresses, and a reception for friends and loved ones after the event. We're both going to stand up in front of said friends and loved ones, and proclaim our committment to our partners for eternity. We're both looking forward to what our futures hold, to starting famlies with our partners. So why, because I'm going to put a ring on the finger of a boy and she's putting the ring on the finger of a girl should we have different terminology for it? I'm getting married and she's getting civil unioned? That's starting to smack of separate versus equal to me.
And from personal experience, I believe that by using the same terminology regardless of the combination of X and Y chromosomes standing at the altar will help gays get the same benefits as straights do from the experience, no only when it comes to tax implications and health care decisions, but when it comes to acceptance within society as a whole. I come into contact with a lot of very conservative people on a daily basis. When I tell them, "I'm going to my best friend's wedding in August" I think it starts to plant the seed, however small, that this is no differrent than any other wedding out there. And it isn't.
As to the question of why a gay couple would want to get married with the bad examples out there, why would it be any different for gay people than for straight people? There are some examples of bad marriages out there, but there are good examples out there as well. Between my parents and Sweetie's parents there are over 88 years of wedded bliss out there. Add his siblings and we get WELL over the century mark. Those are the examples I look to when modeling what I want our marriage to be. I'm not going to let the bad apples out there ruin it for me.
I don't speak for my best friend, her partner, or my Sweetie in this post. But this is what I believe. And I do know that come the end of August there will be three girls and one boy in two very happy marriages.
I respectfully disagree. I don't know the gay couple down the street. To me, the
"gay marriage" issue is an oxymoron; marriage is between a man and a woman. Has
been for 5000 years. Why change the definition now?Does this mean that gay
couples shouldn't enjoy the benefits and burdens that married people do? No. I'm
for recognizing civil unions between gay people; I think that they should have
the same rights married people do in regards to hospital visitation; they should
also experience the same tax penalty that marrieds get. But to me, the whole
issue is a non-issue anyway; why would a gay couple want to be called married
when the example you give is out there?
I'm getting married in just under two months. My best friend is getting married less than a month after that. I'm getting married to the man of my dreams, and she is getting married to the woman of hers.
We're both planning our weddings, with all the highs and lows that entails. We're both having a religious officiant, guests, pretty dresses, and a reception for friends and loved ones after the event. We're both going to stand up in front of said friends and loved ones, and proclaim our committment to our partners for eternity. We're both looking forward to what our futures hold, to starting famlies with our partners. So why, because I'm going to put a ring on the finger of a boy and she's putting the ring on the finger of a girl should we have different terminology for it? I'm getting married and she's getting civil unioned? That's starting to smack of separate versus equal to me.
And from personal experience, I believe that by using the same terminology regardless of the combination of X and Y chromosomes standing at the altar will help gays get the same benefits as straights do from the experience, no only when it comes to tax implications and health care decisions, but when it comes to acceptance within society as a whole. I come into contact with a lot of very conservative people on a daily basis. When I tell them, "I'm going to my best friend's wedding in August" I think it starts to plant the seed, however small, that this is no differrent than any other wedding out there. And it isn't.
As to the question of why a gay couple would want to get married with the bad examples out there, why would it be any different for gay people than for straight people? There are some examples of bad marriages out there, but there are good examples out there as well. Between my parents and Sweetie's parents there are over 88 years of wedded bliss out there. Add his siblings and we get WELL over the century mark. Those are the examples I look to when modeling what I want our marriage to be. I'm not going to let the bad apples out there ruin it for me.
I don't speak for my best friend, her partner, or my Sweetie in this post. But this is what I believe. And I do know that come the end of August there will be three girls and one boy in two very happy marriages.
posted by Swankette at 9:32 PM
2 Comments:
My mother and I recently had a very direct conversation about same-sex marriage. She is unable change her feelings that marriage referrs to one man and one woman. I am unable to change my deeply held, gut-level feeling that the hetero-only-marriage possition is completely arbitrary. As many straight people cannot wrap their minds, hearts, feelings arround queer issues, I cannot wrap mine arround theirs. It feels as much a matter of faith as any of my beliefs.
The aforementioned best friend.
<applauds kaphine>
Bravo for having the strength to do with your mom what I couldn't with mine!
Never having been one for big social occasions like weddings (I approached my own with a deep sense of dread), I have to say that I am uncharacteristically eager for this summer's dual weddings. They're going to be absolutely completely different and I can't wait to attend both!
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