The Amazing Race 7: Episode 11

So let's review what Uchenna and Joyce gained over the course of The Amazing Race:

• In shaving her head, Joyce got a hairdo far superior to the one she went into the race with.
• They are the only team, in the entire history of the Amazing Race, to ever have their relationship STRENGTHENED by virtue of going on the race.
• They learned that adoption is an option if their fertility treatments don't work out.
• They gained my respect for almost sacrificing their chances at winning one million dollars by insisting a cabbie be paid his full fare rather than just skipping out on him.
• Oh yeah, and they won one million dollars by coming in first (because they did, eventually, beg the money out of folks to pay said cabbie.) CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

Ron and Kelly, well they came in third. And their relationship is over. They say time will tell, but believe me, it's over. I can even tell you the exact moment the relationship died. That would be when Kelly accused Ron of being a commitment-phobe to such a degree that he was a POW in Iraq so he could get out of the Army early. You're too good for her, Ron.

But the most exciting part of this episode, even more exciting than Uchenna and Joyce winning it all, was that this was the episode in which karma reared it's beautiful head. For the past 10 episodes Rob had bribed and lied and done every smarmy thing possible to gain every little advantage in this Race. And today it came back to bite him in the ass.

It started in Jamaica. Rob and Amber got pulled over for a random police check. But they got past that OK.

Leaving the first pit-stop of the race, Ron and Kelly grabbed the first cab. Rob asked if they could share, and Ron and Kelly wisely said no. (Um, Rob, are you the biggest idiot on the planet? You're down to three teams running the race and you think someone will share a cab with you?) Rob asked the cabbie to call another cab. Then Ron and Kelly thwarted those plans. How does it feel to be on this side of the equation, Rob?

It got a little scary when teams flew to Puerto Rico, as Rob was able to get an earlier flight than Ron and Kelly (at the time we'd written Uchenna and Joyce as too far out of it to succeed), but a great equalizer got all the teams back together.

But leaving Puerto Rico for Miami was, perhaps, simultaneously, the most nervewracking and most joyous moment of the Race. Rob and Amber made it onto a 10 am flight by standby. When Uchenna and Joyce made it to the gate they were closing the doors. The flight was closed. The jetway was being pulled from the plane. Did Uchenna and Joyce get smarmy? Did the threaten? Did they beg? Why no, my friends, they did not do such things. They simply asked. Politely, nicely, with respect to the airline employees. Had the employees said, "No, sorry, can't do it" I think Uchenna and Joyce would have been bummed (and can you blame them?), but they would have taken it in stride. They would not blame the airline employees for losing the race on their behalf. But this is all speculation. Because, thanks to the niceness and politeness mentioned above the airline employees called down to the pilot. And the jetway started to move back TOWARDS the plane. And Uchenna and Joyce made the flight.

And from this point forward Rob was the antithesis to Uchenna, and it played out in the results. Teams needed to find a certain cigar shop in Little Havana in Miami. The clue was in English, but the store's name was actually in Spanish. It's Little Havana, you'd expect it to be in Spanish. Uchenna politely spoke to his cabbie, who politely asked someone, in Spanish, where the shop was, and that was that. They were on their way. Rob and Amber were running around Little Havana asking people where this shop was, in English. I'm still not quite sure how they finally ended up stumbling across the place. Life is rough when no one in Little Havana seems to bow down to you because you were on Survivor. Hey, anyone in Little Havana who is reading this blog, I'd like to buy you a beer to thank you for your part in not letting Rob win his million dollars. (Because technically he doesn't get access to any of Amber's money. She's the one who won Survivor, not him.)

So Uchenna and Joyce get to Ft. Lauderdale via cab. They are literally standing outside the gates that are their entre to the millionaire life. They don't have enough money to pay the fare. Do they say screw the cabbie and run for the finish line? THEY DO NOT! (I probably would have done this, but I would then have given the cabbie a tip to more than make up for his troubles after I'd won the million bucks) Do they run close to the finish line, and bum $50 off one of the already eliminated teams? I know the gay boys would have sold their souls if it meant Rob and Amber didn't win the race. They do not. They simply stand around, begging off passers-by until they've got the money for the fare. I like it when teams with class win the race. It gives me faith in humanity.

So, congratulations again to Uchenna and Joyce. I wish you much success and happiness in your future, and know the million dollars will be put to good use.

And now we have a hiatus from the race for an unknown length of time. I know they've begun casting for The Amazing Race 8. The race will be run by families of four, rather than teams of two. I'm intrigued. And I still think, given my past history in picking winners of the race, I've got some pretty decent odds. So stay tuned, because you know I'll be blogging about it.