Off We Go Into The Wild Blue Yonder

Tomorrow night Sweetie and I are leaving on a jet plane to go celebrate the wedding of Kaphine and RealSuperGirl. As we prepare for our first post-honeymoon travel together Sweetie and I are both eternally thankful that we found someone with matching travel philosophy. It wouldn't have been a deal breaker if we didn't match, but it's nice to know that wanting to confirm the flight ten times over and show up at the airport two days early isn't going to cause any tension in the relationship.

But, having watched several episodes of Airline over the last year we're starting to rethink our philosophies, so here are the travel tips we may start to follow, as inspired by the show:

1. Arrive at the airport at your flight's scheduled departure time. Bonus points if you arrive drunk.
2. Leave your tickets at home. Barring that, have the ticket be for yesterday. Then refuse to purchase a new ticket, even though you are guaranteed a refund of the ticket you left at home once you get home and return it to them.
3. Overpack your bags to the point where Andre the Giant couldn't lift them. It especially helps if you're packing things like excess quantities of booze or gasoline that the airline can't transport to begin with.
4. Instead of checking in at your gate, go directly to the airport bar and start drinking in excess. When they page your name for your flight, ignore them.
5. Arrive at your gate 5 minutes after the scheduled departure time, and since you can still see the plane out the window insist that they pull it back to the gate so you can get on.
6. Bonus points for all of the above if you claim a dead relative at the other end of the flight, even though you're just heading on your annual vacation.

Everyone play nice while we're gone. We're back late Monday night, so you can expect to hear from me again on Tuesday.