Hold Your Tongue!
If you know me it should come as no big surprise to you that I have a potty mouth. I can clean up the language when necessary (when at my parents or kids are around, for example. Mom - you may want to cover your eyes right about now), but when it's just grown-ups you shouldn't be too surprised to hear an f-bomb come out of my mouth.
My job is basically pushing other people to get stuff done all day long. Sometimes, when they don't do it, I have to hang up the phone and call them a stupid fucking jerk. Or talk to one of my co-workers about how their head is shoved up their ass. Or what shit they're making us wade through to get this done. And this is perfectly acceptable in my place of work.
To the point where there is frequently the moment when a new co-worker accidentally swears in front of me (because I'm a girl, so you're not supposed to defame my delicate ears like that. My common response to that is, "How fucking dare you fucking swear in front of me, you fucker." That usually breaks the ice quite well.
But when there's a five year old in your office you can't talk like that. MAN it was torture today! He was a totally adorable kid, but this was a day in which f-bombs really needed to be flying. At one point I was talking to a co-worker on the phone about some sort of bullshit that was going on, but having to be all NICE about it. I could hear the confusion in my co-workers voice - he didn't know that I was red in the face with anger at the situation, as usually the angrier I am the faster the profanity flows. Then I mentioned the young one in my office, and it all clicked into place.
Note to self: If you ever have a daughter, call in sick on take your daughter to work day.
Something good did come out of today, though: I figured out my new signature. I wasn't liking the way the first initial of the new last name was coming out, but it figured out today. There's still some fine-tuning to do, but I've got myself a new signature now.
My job is basically pushing other people to get stuff done all day long. Sometimes, when they don't do it, I have to hang up the phone and call them a stupid fucking jerk. Or talk to one of my co-workers about how their head is shoved up their ass. Or what shit they're making us wade through to get this done. And this is perfectly acceptable in my place of work.
To the point where there is frequently the moment when a new co-worker accidentally swears in front of me (because I'm a girl, so you're not supposed to defame my delicate ears like that. My common response to that is, "How fucking dare you fucking swear in front of me, you fucker." That usually breaks the ice quite well.
But when there's a five year old in your office you can't talk like that. MAN it was torture today! He was a totally adorable kid, but this was a day in which f-bombs really needed to be flying. At one point I was talking to a co-worker on the phone about some sort of bullshit that was going on, but having to be all NICE about it. I could hear the confusion in my co-workers voice - he didn't know that I was red in the face with anger at the situation, as usually the angrier I am the faster the profanity flows. Then I mentioned the young one in my office, and it all clicked into place.
Note to self: If you ever have a daughter, call in sick on take your daughter to work day.
Something good did come out of today, though: I figured out my new signature. I wasn't liking the way the first initial of the new last name was coming out, but it figured out today. There's still some fine-tuning to do, but I've got myself a new signature now.
posted by Swankette at 7:59 PM
3 Comments:
I, too, am guilty of dropping the f bomb EVERYWHERE including in front of my kids. But, they know when they hear the F bomb that mom is REALLY pissed b/c she has stopped trying to stop swearing in front of them. It is actually very effective with them.
You can give the Spongebob method a try. It works well for me. Instead of fucking, use fishsticking. Tartar sauce works really well instead of shit, too. And when I"m really mad, it is the tartar saucingest fishsticking jellyfish in the world.
Give it a try.
One more reasons why I'm glad I don't have kids! I do try and use things like flippin' but I don't always catch myslef.
When someone swears at my work, I say "Could we please watch the goddamn motherfuckin' profanity godfuckindamnit? It offends my fuckin' virgin ears." Of course, I make sure customers aren't around. Yes, I say goddamn. I'm going to burn in hell.
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