License to Drive

When I am Supreme Ruler of the Universe you will be required to have a special license in order to operate a grocery cart whilst doing your shopping. Here are the rules of the road:

• When stopped to peruse an item on the shelf, park the cart as far to the side of the aisle as you can.
• You shall never park your butt next to the cart in the aisle, thereby blocking all traffic from going through.
• NO double parking allowed.
• You are allowed, however, to step away from the cart. It can even be out of your site, and everything in it will remain safe (although I would recommend carrying your purse with you.)
  
• That means it is NOT necessary to bring your cart into cramped aisles in the bread section, or all the way down the spice aisle that everyone is shopping on at this moment.
• We're in the United States, so you must stay to the right of the aisle.
• You are allowed into the left lane to pass, but ONLY to pass. If something catches your eye while in the midst of passing, you may park your cart further down the aisle, then walk back for perusing.
• It is not bad manners for me to move your cart so as to reach a bottle of something on the shelf.
• When lanes are merging it is first come first served, you do NOT get precedence because you have a basket rather than a cart.
• You are not allowed to park your cart at a sampling station. You may grab while walking past, or park your cart on either side to go back and do the sampling.
• You are not allowed to stop your cart, much less park your cart, at the intersection of aisles where much traffic moves through quickly. You must keep these area clear for moving carts.

Why is it that so many people have so much difficulty managing basic niceties of everyday life? If I'd had a brain in my head I would have done most of my grocery shopping yesterday, and just run into Whole Foods today to buy the lobster for Sweetie's lobster dinner (which was delayed due to illness, so tonight is the night). But NO, I want FRESH ingredients, and am doing a rather big production dinner including French onion soup and arugula salad, so I find myself surrounded by people who never go shopping and can't manage the basic mechanics of how to push a grocery cart.

At least I was able to buy a box of satsumas so SOME good came out of the trip.