New Blogger on the Block - Part 2

One of my fellow speech geeks in high school was a fellow by the name of Wes. He drove a big moster of a car - if memory serves it was a Grand Torino, but I could be wrong on that. The important thing to know is it was one of those big ass cars of the 1970's that could seat about 10 comfortably. And if you needed room for more, five people could like down in the trunk without infringing on the others' personal space. It's name was "The Cold Blooded Whore," and for a big chunk of time it was painted primer pink.

I knew the car well, as being a bit young for my grade I often begged rides off him. By the time we graduated high school the car had a kick-ass paint job, but the guts left something to be desired. He carried around cases of oil, brake fluid, etc., in the trunk, and would frequently need to stop and refill.

Well, apparently Wes has developed some guilt for what he did to the environment once upon a time, and has decided to atone for his sins. From an e-mail he recently sent to me (and several others):

I left the gaming industry (again) due to burnout (again). In addition, I've been doing research for the past couple of years in the area of global resource depletion (most notably, peak oil), and have decided to make a lifestyle change to prepare for the difficulties I believe are coming. So this city boy and hi-tech geek bought a 24 acre plot of land in the country, and together with my partner and some friends, we're trying to learn to live off the land.

And he's started a blog to document it all. Sounds like there have already been some rather entertaining adventures.

New Blogger on the Block - Part 1

So my friend Jess has finally given in to peer pressure and started a blog of her own. Jess is one of my most favoritest people on the planet, and she somehow manages to support her son and bellydance on the side, whereas there are some days I have a difficult enough time feeding myself, so I'm sure she'll have some good stuff to say once she gets going with it.

Looking forward to reading it!

Movie Secrets

So I've got an actor friend who's going to be in an upcoming movie with Morgan Freeman and John Cusack. Which is just about the coolest thing ever, to think that I am two degrees of separation from those guys now.

Apparently said friend was originally supposed to live through the entire movie, which would be a big deal, because every movie he's been in for more than a blink he's been one of the first to die. (He was in Wimbeldon for a split second, but I almost missed him and I was watching the whole movie with the sole purpose of spotting him, so it doesn't count.) But, alas, his character will now die.

I guess there was a scene, in the survival-version of the movie, in which John Cusack was going to have to carry friend a long distance on his back. But John couldn't do that, so they had to kill of my friend instead.

It's stuff like this that makes me a cynic. And the fact that I knew who would die in the Harry Potter book as soon as they announced someone was getting offed, but we can go into that later.

Procrastination = Meme Time

OK, I'll bite:

What were you doing 25 years ago: The summer between 3rd and 4th grade. So I'd put my money on kick the can. We used to play a LOT of kick the can on Illahee Street. There's something magical about growing up on a street with a lot of other kids around.

What were you doing 20 years ago: The summer between 8th and 9th grade. I believe that was the summer I was let loose with a bus pass and went swimming almost every single day at the rec center. Last year Sports Illustrated did a 50-week series in honor of their 50th anniversary where each week they'd select a state, and among other features would name the "SI Sports Town" of the state. When they got around to Oregon the selected "Tualtin Hills." Except Tualatin Hills isn't a town. Spreading across the western suburbs of Portland is the "Tualatin Hills Parks and Recreation District," which is just a network of parks and pools and such. They offer swimming lessons and tennis lessons and other activities to keep kids and such entertained. The rec center was their landmark facility, that featured a ton of tennis courts (both indoors and outdoors) and an olympic sized pool. I suppose the rec center is large enough to be considered a town, but it's not. However, it did provide me with tons of entertainment over the years.

What were you doing 15 years ago: aka THE LONGEST SUMMER VACATION EVER. I spent the previous year at a private college that operated on a semester system, and was transferring to a state school on a quarter system. That meant school ended in mid-May and I did not go back to school until the end of September. This would be right around the time I quit my job as a checker at Target to go work at a packaging facility that did all the packaging for Daisy Kingdom. It was a better paying job, with a set schedule and an opportunity to work with a couple of good friends. The catch was I couldn't do the responsible thing and give two weeks notice at Target. When I gave my three days notice the HR director informed me that by not giving full notice I would never be employable by Target again in my life. Once I accepted my fate the HR director congratulated me on my decision -- she knew I wasn't in it for advancement opportunities, but just trying to earn some money towards a college education.

What were you doing 10 years ago: 1995. A year out of college. Working, sharing an apartment with a friend. There was a lot of drinking, a lot of parties, a lot of drama that summer.

What were you doing 5 years ago: Working for an organization that was attempting to buy two baseball teams, a soccer team, and secure an operating agreement for a stadium about to undergo a multi-million dollar renovation. So there is a 50% chance that I was working a baseball game with the box office director, counting cash and balancing out ticket sales. When not working at games I was assembling contracts and singlehandedly destroying rainforests in Brazil - i.e. making something like 10 copies of every damn contract we had in preparation for the closing in which the financing and operating agreements for said teams and stadium were all finalized in a 48 hour marathon.

What were you doing 1 year ago: Probably yelling at the television, as that was the last day of the "season" for Jeopardy, and Ken Jennings was still winning, damn that game show ho. Also getting really darn excited for the first vacation in my life that required a passport.

What were you doing yesterday: After the dentist's appointment, same thing I'm doing right now - procrastinating from all the work I need to do in preparation for the wedding and making a little more progress on the newest Harry Potter tome.

Call Me

I like it when my dentist's office calls to confirm my appointments. I don't schedule the appointment so much as am informed as to when my next appointment will be. So although the appointment is made three months in advance I pretty much alway forget when the next one is coming up, outside of the fact that it's on a Thursday at 6 pm. (OK, yesterday's appointment I remembered about, but only because it was a week before the wedding.)

I like it when my hairdresser's office calls to confirm my appointments. I usually only make those appointments a week or so before the date, but I have this crazy habit of forgetting what time I made the appointment for and it works a lot better if I show up at the correct time.

But when I call the spa at noon on a Friday, to set an appointment for a facial at 10:45 am the next morning it is NOT necessary to call me that afternoon to confirm.

Remind me never to give my phone number to the guy at the nail salon. After he says "come back in an hour" he'll call me while I'm wandering the mall just to confirm.

Lamenting LeMond

I know he only has one testicle, so that makes him a stud. I know he's dating Sheryl Crow, so that makes him a stud. I know everyone and their brother wears a piece of yellow rubber around their wrist to raise money for his charity, so that makes him a stud. I know he's about to win his seventh Tour de France, so that makes him a stud. But I really cannot get into Lance Armstrong.

Back in the 1980's I dug bike racing. I'd follow the Tour de France on ABC's Wide World of Sports and follow Greg LeMond's quest for the yellow jersey. I used to get really into it, with dreams of me racing in the Tour someday. HE was a stud. But now I've COMPLETELY lost interest in the race. I hope some other guy wins it, just so we can stop hearing about Lance. Really, enough already.

The Saga Continues

Have I mentioned lately how you shouldn't eat at Daniel's Broiler? Just including that in the hopes of working my way up the search engine rankings, so some stranger will stumble across my rants one day.

I got a voice mail from the general manager today, and an e-mail from the company's VP of Operations. I left VP a voicemail, then responded with an e-mail of my own. He returned my call and got my voice mail, but he has yet to respond to my e-mail yet. Just for fun, I thought y'all might enjoy reading his e-mail and my response. Names have been altered/changed.

His e-mail:


Dear Swankette,

First of all you have my sincerest apology for obviously a bad situation. The success of our company in the last 30 years has been based on quality and taking care of our guests. Something I want to do now; not because of your new mission, but because it's what we always try to do. This is what I've personally done for over 30 years here at Schwartz Brothers Restaurants.

Obviously, our manager did not handle this situation very well and that's inexcusable. I promise this will be addressed with this individual. For that treatment I again apologize.

On the issue of MSG I can vouch for the fact we do not use it. We specifically made the decision in the late 1980's to stop using this product in any of our recipes. We go out of our way to insure that any pre made product or ingredients we purchase do not have MSG in them. This has been one of our business practices for a long time, so it's very probable this was not the source of the issue.

Bottom line is we feel badly your special date wasn't very special and we'd like to fix it. Please call me at xxx-xxx-xxxx Ext xxx or email me so we can turn this negative into a positive.

Sincerely,

Exec. V.P., Operations
Schwartz Brothers Restaurants

My response:


VP,

I just left a message for you as well. What was a pleasant evening capped by an unfortunate event has turned into a farce, and the further we delve into this the less confidence I have in Schwartz Brothers quality and customer service.

To recap:

Saturday night we had dinner at the Lake Union location.

Our waiter was a bit cornier than we desired, but all things considered that's not going to give me a negative opinion of our restaurant. A few times my fiance commented that the food (specifically the bacon wrapped prawns and the filet mignon) seemed overspiced. In hindsight, this was likely the MSG.

Upon arriving home he became violently ill. The sort of ill that is precisely how his body reacts when he has eaten MSG. He has suffered food allergies for years, and when it comes to MSG it is very easy to tell when he has eaten it inadvertently. I will spare you the gorey details. It was unfortunate, but given the fact that we had not specifically asked about MSG we chalked it up to our own mistake. Generally we are careful about such things, and we were definitely careful to ask about egg (another food my fiance is allergic to), but given the reputation of your restaurant we didn't even think to ask about MSG.

Monday, once he was feeling better, my fiance called to confirm whether or not there was MSG in the food. [Hostess] answered the phone and told him there was MSG in certain menu items, and shortly transferred [Sweetie] to [Manager], the manager.

My fiance was explaning to [Manager] how a restaurant of your quality should not use MSG anymore. [Sweetie]was stern, as he was upset about the situation, but was in no way rude or disrespectful to [Manager]. Then [Manager]LAUGHED AT HIM. THIS was the moment that our experience with your organization became negative. When my fiance lost his temper at this [Manager] told [Sweetie] to watch HIS tone. UNACCEPTABLE!!!

However, in his conversation with my fiance [Manager] indicated that he could provide a list of foods you prepare that do not contain MSG. Now, if Schwartz Brothers stopped using MSG over 15 years ago WHY did two people at the restaurant level confirm use of MSG and WHY did one of them offer a list of foods that do NOT contain MSG for our reference? Based on this information and based on the illness my fiance suffered I, frankly, don't believe a word you've said regarding your company's use of MSG. And if I can't believe this basic information, then how can I believe anything else you have said to us?

Had [Manager] simply apologized for the unfortunate mistake when [Sweetie]had called earlier we'd be well past this. Were planning on buying gift certificates for participants in our upcoming wedding. As it stands now I cannot imagine what you, or anyone from your company, could do to make this better. Because now in addition to the poor quality (use of MSG), and disrespect (your manager LAUGHING at us) we now add dishonesty to the list (because SOMEONE is lying about your company's use of MSG).

Regards,
Swankette

By the time this adventure is over perhaps we'll be able to add the seven deadly sins to the list of grievances.

Update

The general manager of the restaurant responded to my e-mail and said he'd like to speak to me. I phoned him this afternoon, but he wasn't available so I left him a voice mail. I left him my direct line at work and as of 5 pm today he had not returned my call.

On the voice mail message he said he generally checks it around twice a day, so I'm thinking that he hadn't received it as of when I left work today.

Sweetie and I both suspect that at some point we will be offered a gift certificate to compensate for our troubles. But I don't really want a gift certificate, because I don't want to go out without my Sweetie and I don't want to go eat somewhere I KNOW he's going to get sick. If I get a gift certificate out of all this I think I'm going to find a local vendor of Real Change (the local street newspaper), buy a copy of the paper and give him/her the gift certificate as a gift. They're a homeless person looking to improve their lot in life, so they deserve it. And the gift cards do state they can be used for gratuity, so you could theoretically eat there without spending any money.

DO NOT EAT AT DANIEL'S BROILER

And spread the word to anyone you know who lives in Seattle, or may have reason to visit Seattle and might want to have dinner at a nice place.

I was given a gift certificate to the restaurant last week, due to some heroic feats that I accomplished at work. It's one of those places that Seattleites always go on and on about, and that you may need to take out a second mortgage to afford, so Sweetie and I decided to jump on the opportunity for a special date before the wedding. He put on a tie, I put on a skirt, and we had a nice little outing. The waiter was a bit corny for our tastes, but what are you going to do?

Then we came home and Sweetie got sick. Based on the symptoms, the suspected culprit was MSG, and he called the restaurant tonight to confirm that was what started it all. It was. Sweetie then spoke to a manager and suggested that one of the most upscale restaurants in Seattle might want to stop using MSG. Outback Steakhouse and Rock Bottom Brewery (among other chains) have both managed to take all MSG off their menus. The cheapest of chinese restaurants advertise no MSG. It would seem that if you are going to go to the efforts of serving exclusively USDA prime cuts you wouldn't go mucking it up with MSG. But, apparently, Daniel's doesn't want to offer the quality product found at Outback and Rock Bottom. And when dinner for two will set you back $200, why bother providing fresh, quality food?

My mission now is to spread the word as loudly and as widely as I can that you SHOULD NOT EAT AT DANIEL'S BROILER. Because when Sweetie was complaining to the manager, suggesting this change, just wanting an ear to listen to him and say "Dude, sorry you got sick" the manager LAUGHED AT HIM. Sweetie accepted culpability for the illness, because he really SHOULD HAVE asked if there was MSG in anything. But this is the nicest restaurant in town - only places like Applebee's and TGIFriday's still use MSG in anything. But the manager yelled at my Sweetie, laughed at my Sweetie, and generally disrespected my Sweetie in any way that you can be disrespected over the phone. I can vouch for this, because sitting 5 feet away I could hear what the manager was saying to my Sweetie over the phone.

When I go out for an expensive dinner I don't want to be served by people who will disrespect me and my Sweetie. If you're going out for a nice dinner you don't want to be disrespected, either. If you're looking for a nice dinner in the Seattle Metropolitan area I recommend traveling across Lake Washington to the Yarrow Bay Grill, we've been there a couple of times now, and they give you good food AND respect!

Bon Apetit!

You Do The Math

There is limited time in the day.

I've got to work (and work is CRAZY lately), or I can't afford this internet connection.
I've got to sleep, or at least TRY to sleep, or I'll have bags under my eyes.
I've got to go to the gym, or the trainer will beat me up (that's why I pay him).
I've got to take a shower, brush my teeth, wash my face, or Sweetie will disown me.
I've got to eat, or I'll starve to death and be grumpy from low blood sugar.
I've got to do laundry, or I'll run out of clothes to wear.

Add to that the fact that we are 20 days out from the wedding. There are marriage licenses to obtain (well, one license), centerpieces to plan, seating arrangements to finalize, vendors to pay, thank you notes to write (from the shower two weeks ago, with another shower in a week), and schedules to plan.

And then there's a honeymoon to plan for. And all that stuff you're usually doing the night before you leave, franctically trying to pack, needs to get done early. Buying the new clothes, making sure I've got the crossword puzzle books, planning a preliminary itinerary, making sure I've got sunscreen - needs to get done early, since the night before the honeymoon I'll be celebrating my wedding, and the few nights before that I'll be buried in pre-wedding craziness.

So blogging is at the bottom of the priority list right now. And even when I think I come up with ideas I want to blog about, my mind is so swarming with other things that the focus isn't there.

So, I'll likely be taking a break from here until we return from the honeymoon. Perhaps after a significant break it will have a new look. Or maybe not. But stay tuned, and please don't abandon me just because I'm quiet (for once in my life).

Brush With Fame

I am now, to the best of my knowledge, a solid two degrees of separation from Morgan Freeman. Which makes me three degrees of separation from:

Rita Moreno
Clint Eastwood
Hilary Swank
Jessica Tandy

among others.

I am also, I THINK, two degrees of separation from John Cusack. The only thing better than that would be two degrees of separation from Christian Slater.

Of course, if I'm NOT two degrees of separation from John Cusack, that means I'm most likely two degrees of separation from Sir Anthony Hopkins.

Nepotism may have never gotten me a cush job like some people, but I'll take what I can get.

Sweetheart of the Game

This weekend marked the Third Annual SwankPoet 4th of July Minor League Baseball Road Trip Extravaganza. We did a low-rent version this year (Tri-Cities and Yakima, and only one night actually away from home) because we've got a wedding to pay for and I'm burning up my vacation time this year on wedding related extravaganzas (not only my own, but Kaphine and RealSuperGirl's as well.)

It was my first time at a game in Yakima (I've now been to all the Northwest League stadiums) and although the town of Yakima is a dump, and the team consistently is at the bottom of the barrel on attendance rankings it was a FABULOUS time!

It wasn't for the quality of the ball. Angel Rocha, pitching for the Bears, gave up 6 walks in the first inning. Two hits. One of those hits because he forgot to cover first base on a routine ground ball (which SHOULD HAVE BEEN the third out of the inning). Eight Spokane runs scored that inning. Not only did Angel not make it to the fifth inning, where he could have been the pitcher of record, but he did not even make it out of the first inning. There is only one other time I can recall not seeing a pitcher make it out of the first inning of a game. The year I worked for the Northwest League, Boise had a phenom 18 year old (whose name I totally cannot remember at this moment) who was making his pitching debut in the Tri-Cities. Because he was young and new to the squad he was on a strict twenty-five pitch count maximum, and I think he got pulled with two guys out.

So not the best ball (Spokane also scored 6 runs in the 3rd inning. Everyone on the Spokane team got to score a run except for John Mayberry Jr. who went 0-6 that night). But, they had some kick-ass promotions.

OK, one kick-ass promotion. Before the 2nd inning the local flower shop sponsors the "Sweetheart of the Game." An essay contest of sorts, you fill out the sheet in your program as to why your Sweetie should be Sweetheart of the Game and they select one lucky winner who gets recognition in front of the stand and flowers from the sponsor's flower shop. I never saw the entry form in my program, because Sweetie is super-sneaky, but when the entry talks of how you're getting married later in the month, and you're on your Third Annual Forth of July Minor League Baseball Road Trip extravaganza (and it was MY IDEA to go on the first one, which seems impressive to a lot of people but was a no-brainer to me) - well, how can that NOT be a winning entry? And it was! He didn't even mention how we wouldn't be getting married were it not for the infield fly rule, or how the rehearsal dinner is at a rival NWL stadium and we're maybe more excited about that than the wedding itself.

Except, well, Sweetie made a typographical error on the form. At first I thought the guy reading the form mis-spoke, but Sweetie informed me later that HE had made the mistake. It was a BIG mistake. A mistake that led to much teasing over the course of the evening. I'm not going to repeat the mistake here, because at one point I came to a realization: Short-Season A Ball is at the bottom of the ladder. Pretty much anyone with hopes of a career in baseball can start out here with dreams of moving up. Players, coaches, umps, front office staff, broadcasters, this is your chance for a foot in the door. Some guys give up 6 walks and 8 runs in a half inning, but the year I was in the Northwest League Dontrelle Willis pitched for the Boise Hawks and now he's in the majors. And kicking ass.

So Sweetie just made a rookie mistake. I have no doubt he's going to make the majors. And now he can say he's getting married to a Sweetheart of the Game.

And Sweetie also got really lucky. Usually mid-game I'll get up to stretch my legs, use the restrooms, maybe grab a pretzel. But with a 1 hour long first inning (about 55 minutes of that was top of the first inning) Sweetie is lucky I didn't get up earlier than I did. As it was, I barely made it into the top of the third inning before I had to leave. I asked Sweetie what he would have done if I'd tried to get up to leave before they announced Sweetheart of the Game. Sweetie says he wouldn't have let me leave, which would have been REALLY entertaining to watch, given that in every game we've ever been to in the history of our relationship he's not had issue with me wanting to get up for a stretch during the game. But, alas, we'll never know how that would have turned out.

Do They Know It's Live 8 Time At All?

So Live 8 is supposedly Sir Bob Geldof's most recent foray into helping the starving people of Africa as only a Boomtown Rat can.

At the tender age of 13 I was mesmerized by the original Live Aid concert. I don't know if the logistics were the same, but I went out and bought a copy of "Do They Know It's Christmastime?" and, even though I hated the song, I also bought a copy of "We Are the World" because it was, I felt, the way that I, as a 13 year old whose income consisted of a weekly allowance and occassional babysitting gigs, could contribute to the cause.

This time around I don't know what a 13 year old can do. Or a 33 year old for that matter. The concerts are free. There are no arrangements made for people who want to make a donation to the cause. Because any monetary contributions that could be made would be merely a drop in the bucket to solving the problem, and why bother even trying if we aren't going to be able to cure poverty and hunger today.

OK, so this is about raising awareness on what's going on in Africa today. So let's expose folks to some cool African music. Someone who can perform some good music then speak a little more directly to the extreme poverty and hunger plaguing their continent. Nope, can't do that, because the kids might change the channel if they aren't constantly bombarded by the big stars. Can't go five minutes without seeing Will Smith or Bono or Elton John, because we might change the channel. (And let's not go into the fact that there are COMMERCIALS being aired during the show). So all the African artists are on a stage in Cornwall, England, that will get maybe a minute of airtime today, because we can't miss Madonna or Paul McCartney or Pink Floyd.

Oh wait, I apologize, there is ONE African performer who will be performing. Dave Matthews. He was born in South Africa you know. We just won't draw attention to the fact that he's a white guy born in the days of Apartheid.

So how are we going to raise the awareness? Why, between every song we'll have VJ's TELLING us that we're here to raise awareness. We'll have big stars film PSA-type items about poverty - but we won't fill them with the gravitas this issue deserves. So we'll have people CHEERING for the famous people as they're talking about how someone dies every three seconds from poverty. Oh, and while all the big stars are on stage - we'll show film footage of starving Africans having fun on the screen behind them. Because while Motley Crue is rocking it old-school folks will SO be impressed by those movies in the midst of their headbanging.

But I've figured it out. Since escaping his life as Pink, and growing back his eyebrows, Sir Geldof suffers from a LOT of liberal rich white guy guilt. He needs to atone for his sins. And he knows a lot of other liberal, rich, white guy musicians. They had to work through all this guilt somehow. So they're all going to get on a stage, and tell us how not-guilty they really are. Look, I put on this big, huge, free concert about how bad poverty is, obviously I've got my priorities straight. I won't take my bazillion dollars to help solve the problem, but you'll all know that I really mean right and wish really hard we could get rid of poverty.

Now let's party down!


(Thanks to this NPR piece for helping clue me in to some of this.)

Make Me Laugh

Let's look at the list so far:

- It's going to be one of THOSE sorts of days at work today (yesterday bombs were blowing up left and right, and today is pick up the shrapnel day)

- The digital camera we registered for has been discontinued

-O'Connor is retiring. (Rehnquist I was OK with. So we replace one conservative with another conservative. The Supreme Court does a more-or-less OK job now, so I can live with that. But she's a swing vote. She's THE swing vote! I fear the swing vote will be lost!)

So I could desperately use a giggle or two. Tell a joke, share a site, I don't care. Just put a smile on my face. Sweetie did the trick yesterday when I shared a picture of Wig Wednesday with him and he responded that one of my co-workers "looks like a backup singer for a second-rate
Beatles tribute band"