Follow the yellow line...

The first time I tried to watch hockey on television was a game when Fox featured a glowing puck. I believe they added this to the game to make the puck easier to see for the casual viewer at home. A red glowing puck was kind of cool, until the puck was up against the boards and you could actually see it glow through fans sitting in the stands. Very disturbing. I've not been able to watch hockey on television since.

However, now the tv powers that be have introduced technology to sports viewing that actually ENHANCES the experience. I'm talking about the little yellow line.

I first noticed the line in football. They use it to indicate the line the team needs to cross in order to gain a first down. Very helpful for a girl like me who doesn't always pay THAT close of attention to the game. (That I'm a girl who watches sports as avidly as I do is a shock to many, but I've always been a bit of a shocker). When we went to a live game last season I actually kind of missed the line.

They've made very good use of the line during the Olympics as well. I've seen it used in two scenarios:

- In the swimming and running events when an athlete has been super fast they've used the yellow line to indicate world record pace. It's quite dramatic to see the swimmer in a race against the line. He's reaching over it, his fingers are grazing it, but every race I watched the line won out in the end.

- I've also seen them use the line in the long jump, to indicate the first place jump thus far. This was helpful, because then the butt print in the sand actually meant something to me. For every jumper I watched it meant that she wasn't in first place.

I also like the way that they have been able to assign names and flags to each of the lanes in swimming and running, so when they do the broad shot you can see who's who. In swimming it was really cool when the swimmers would touch the end of the pool and their flags would pop out, making it VERY easy to see who came in first second and third.

Yet another thing to add to my list of challenges I faced in my youth that my children will never have to face... they will always know a world with the yellow line to assist them in their sports viewing. (Well, assuming I ever have children. And if I don't well, then, other people's children.)

Who's on First?

I enjoy listening to baseball on the radio for the same reason I dislike watching it on television. The game moves slowly enough that you don't need to pay close attention all the time, so it's very easy to do while driving in the car without worrying about getting into a huge accident because the game has sucked you in so much. Plus, commercial breaks are relatively short, so it's easy to stay tuned to one station.

However, it's been frustrating trying to listen to the Mariners lately. Because of their extreme suckiness they have been bringing a lot of players up from the minor leagues to test them out and see who's going to make the cut next season. (One guy from triple-A Tacoma got activated between the two games of a double-header today). This means that there are all these names I don't recognize playing for my team. It makes it very difficult for me to jump in the car for a few minutes and try to figure out what's going on in the game, because depending on where we are in the batting order it can easily take me a cue from the broadcaster to figure out what half of the inning we're in.

Tonight the sweetie came to realize that there are only 6 Mariners remaining from their 116 win season. I could name 5 of them. They are: Bret Boone, Ichiro, Edgar Martinez, Dan Wilson, Jamie Moyer and Ryan Franklin. (I got all but Franklin. Knew it must be a pitcher, but couldn't remember our rotation).

Pipe Dreams

Today I learned that the Olympic Pipeline runs about 300 yards from my office. It abuts a driveway that I must drive down to get to my parking lot. I learned this because they were doing some work replacing a piece of it over the last couple of days, making it very difficult for me to park in my parking spot.

The Olympic Pipeline carries gasoline from somewhere in the north to somewhere in the south (I am not up on my pipeline routes, I apologize). 4 months ago a leak in said pipeline which caused giant flames in Renton and caused injury to 3 firefighters. 5 years ago a major leak on the pipeline resulted in the death of three people.

I drive past this pipeline on my way to and from work every day. I drive OVER this pipeline on my way to and from work every day. Unless the pipeline makes a sharp turn somewhere very near my office I probably live within a mile of this pipeline. That's kind of freaky if you start to think about it too long.

I always had this image of the Alaska Pipeline (and, therefore, all other pipelines) as actual pipes that ran above ground on some sort of support system. When you start to think about that possibility it makes absolutely no sense, but I still thought it.

It's like the day that I realized that taxicabs and police cars are just automobiles that have been tricked out to perform a job. It must come from images of Checker Cabs and such that look so unlike any other auto on the road today, but in my youth I thought in addition to the big three automakers there was also the taxicab car company and the police car company who had their own makes and models. I didn't realize you could take a Geo Metro and just retro-fit it to become a cop car or a taxi. I don't remember the day I came to this insight, but I know it was after I had my driver's license.

For someone who graduated college with honors I sure am dense sometimes! Although I must admit I prefer naivete to spending most of my waking hours within 5 miles of a major gas pipeline and dwelling on everything that could possibly go wrong there.

Auto Profiling

Here's the sight that greeted me when I left work this evening:

Lined up in the parking lot were:

Co-workers car (Black Mercedes)
Boss #1's car (Black Lexus SUV. The REALLY BIG kind)
Stairway to the parking lot
My Car (Silver Subaru Forester)
Boss #2's car (Black Acura circa 1992-ish. Rearended someone last week, so the front end is a bit dinged up).

Co-worker and Boss #1's car had little leaflets stuck under the windshield wipers for a hand wash and detailing service. They didn't bother moving the extra five feet down the parking lot to hit up my car and boss #2.

Zeb the Zubaru would officially like to file a discrimination complaint.

Baby Shots

Working in a wet office has its privelegs. Like when your day is going so crappy and your bosses day is going equally crappy and around 11:30 she breaks out the pint of Jose Cuervo in the bottom drawer of her file cabinet. And you both start taking baby-shots out of the cap to the bottle. Your boss has never taken a straight shot of ANY alcohol before, so even that small amount of tequila makes her toungue numb and sends a visible jolt through her body. But for you, even though you could never normally consider shooting tequilla without 7-up or a lot of other drinks in you first, for you it just goes down like a really smooth scotch. So you have several more. Really need to see how many capfuls make up a true shot.

Note to self: Make sure you bring Diet Coke to work tomorrow to make use of the Vanilla Vodka that sits next to the tequila in the bottom drawer of the bosses file cabinet.

Reality TV or Educational Television?

Last night The Amazing Race was as much educational programming as it was excellent reality television. And given that the lessons applied to my life today, I'm going to share them with the class that is my blog readership (all 4 of you).

Today's lesson will be modeled after "Goofus and Gallant" from Highlights for Kids magazine (one of my favorite publications as a child).

Goofus is being played by the team of Colin and Christie. Well, really just Colin, because the only thing Christie has done wrong is put up with Colin's verbal abuse (which is horrible, but not germane to today's lesson). Colin is an asshole to every transportation purveyor in sight. Cab driver, bus driver, ticket agent, you are there to serve him at his speed and he will pay you what he feels you are worth, regardless of if you have established a price ahead of time. On last night's show he almost landed in jail because he had made arrangements to pay a cab driver $100 (it was a 100 mile trip, so he wasn't being scammed), but at the end of the trip only wanted to pay the guy $50 because the cab had broken down along the way. When the Chief of Police said that the driver was going to press criminal charges the only reason that Colin paid the $100 was because they were in danger of missing their impending plane flight, which surely would have lost them speed in the race. You don't want to be like Colin, kids. He's a prick and if I were his cab driver and knew he was in a race I'd purposely get lost just to screw him up.

Gallant, on the other hand, is played by Chip and Kim. EVERYONE is Chip's friend. First thing he does when he gets in the cab is introduce himself and his wife to the cab driver. I'm sure at the end of the 100 mile journey you're on his Christmas Card list for life. He TIPPED the guy an extra $20 for his cab ride. If they lose the race it will probably be because Chip was taking so much time making friends with everyone he met along the way, or he spent all their money in tips and couldn't afford to move forward. Which brings us to the lesson on what TO do. Toward the end of the episode they had to take a cab ride which would cost them approximately $20 US. They had only $10 left (the result of the too-generous tipping). Chip managed to become good enough friends with the cab driver that the guy let them off with only paying half their fare. Anything for a friend, eh? Chip's theory is that whatever you give comes back to you. He had showed generosity to people earlier in the game, and now that generosity was coming back to him.

We could all stand to be a little more like Chip and a little less like Colin in our lives.

On a purely tangential, self-promotional note: The sweetie and I are both horribly addicted to The Amazing Race and have been since season 1. Starting last season we have started picking teams before the race starts. We read through all the bios posted online before the first episode, and based only on that pick the team that we think can win the race, based only on their description. Last season my team made it to the final 3 (and then didn't make it to the finish line). This year: I picked Chip and Kim. Now I want them to win even more. This season sweetie picked the team that was eliminated in the first week. He's since taken to rooting for my team.

Can you blame him?

I AM SO MOTIVATED! NOT!

Today I spent half my work day at a "motivational seminar" at the local sports arena. It was supposed to be all day, but there was some pressing business that required me to be in the office this morning (that I won't actually be able to do until tomorrow, but that's another rant).

It was one of those events where they have lots of different famous people talk. On the agenda:

• Rudy Guiliani* - former New York City Mayor
• Goldi Hawn - actress
• Dick Vitale - sportscaster
• Matt Hasselback - Seattle Seahawks Quarterback
• Zig Ziglar - famous motivational speaker
• A bunch of other guys I'd never heard of.

I missed several of the speakers. I did get to see Rudy Guiliani speak, and he was a good speaker. I also got to see the old guy from the Apprentice speak. Also a good speaker.

The guy who puts on the seminars also tried to get me to convert to Christianity. Well, not in so many words, but I was invited to repent to god, pick up an inspirational CD and join a prayer group.

Later some guy tried to sell us his course on how to buy and sell real estate for a mere $99. I was told earlier in the day some guy was doing the same thing with an investment course.

The seminar should have been titled, "Motivation for Christian Republican Suckers trying to make something for nothing!"

At least I got an afternoon out of the office and the boss bought me lunch.

*When originally writing this post I first typed in everyone's name and then added their position after the fact (in case you didn't know who Dick Vitale is). Except I typed in "Seattle Seahawks Quarterback" next to Mayor Guiliani's name. Now THAT would be interesting!

My Favorite Olympic Event

I have a new favorite Olympic event -- Steeplechase. It's inspired by this article.

Look at everything it's got going for it:

• It's two events -- one for horses, one for humans
• International intrigue
• Possibility for injury if someone screws up and jumps a hurdle wrong
• It's more interesting to watch than people just RUNNING
• It was created by drunk college students

When I was a drunk college student my friends and I came up with a BUNCH of ideas. We haven't done too bad drunk and post-college. Heck, we even come up with some wacky stuff stone-cold sober. But we can't claim any of them as an olympic event.

Of course, I haven't seen the Steeplechase run that I can recall. And no Olympic stations broadcast on my television. Thank goodness the Sweetie is an Olympic junkie, I'm sure I can talk him into programming it into his TiVo.

Will the correct pronunciation please step forward?

Abu Gareeb
Abu Grub
Abu Greeb
Abu Garawb
Abu Garub
Abu Grub
Abu Garbie
Abu Garab
Abu Grib

All heard within the last 24 hours.

Epilogue

So I am fully back from vacation now. Except for the fact that I haven't finished unpacking. I'll get to that when I need the clothes that accompanied me on the trip. And I still owe Kaphine a postcard. I bought her two, but didn't send either of them from England because I forgot to bring my address book and I didn't think "Cambridge, MA" would quite be enough for the postman.

Samson stayed at a Kitty Hotel for the duration. I feared that if a stranger came into my house to feed him he would go psycho and tear the place up. As it was, he went on a hunger strike the first couple of days there. He's been particularly snuggly since I got back. This morning he let me sleep until noon, and was still snuggled right up with me when I finally got around to waking up.

The end of last week was the transition back into real life -- pick up the mail, get the feet wet at work again (there was one point on vacation where I seriously thought I had forgotten how to do my job), catch up on past episodes of the Amazing Race.

Tomorrow we get back to the routine, including here.

Old vs New

One of the most striking sites we visited in our trip to London were the Cabinet War Rooms. This is where Winston Churchill and his staff set up shop during the bomb raids of WWII, in the basement of one of the government buildings near 10 Downing Street. Many of the rooms were deserted after the war, and are exactly as they were left. Others have been recreated based on notes and first-person accounts.

The government of England lived, slept, ate and worked in these crowded basement quarters while getting the job done against the Nazi's. Lower-ranking workers had to sleep in the sub-basement, with 4 foot ceilings and no room whatsoever.

The lone sign of "luxury" in this sub-terrainean encampent was a nice dining room suite set up for the Churchill's.

The thing that struck me the most, however, was the Transatlantic Telephone Room. What you see in the picture is the extent of the "room." It was disguised as a restroom (perenially locked), so even most of those government workers who were sequestered below ground did not know it's real purpose. It was here that Churchill was able to call Roosevelt to discuss international affairs.

The museum has an excellent audio tour that explains everything to you, and it also allows you to listen to some first-hand accounts and recreations of life below ground. While standing there listening to the recreation of a conversation between the President and the Prime Minister it struck me that Bush and Blair fancy themselves to be on par with the men that helped bring an end to World War II. And experiencing a taste of what Churchill experienced it struck me as just how wrong that was.

London was bombed to shreds during WWII. Churches are drowning in dead bodies, both inside and out. The National Health System and educational system are falling apart before their very eyes.

But throughout London you see construction cranes putting up new buildings. The churches also have amazing artwork and history. And, somehow, I'm sure they'll figure out a way to provide education to the youth and healthcare to the people.

To quote Jeff Goldblum's character from Jurassic Park, "I'm simply saying that life - - finds a way"

Tour Guide as Tourist

When sweetie was in college at Exeter he appeared in a performance of Princess Ida, and became close friends with the director, Paul. Paul (the director, not the sweetie) provided us free loding in London, and played tour guide for us much of our time there (when not working).

Frequently the sweetie and I would ask the host what some particular building was, or some similar question, and he wouldn't have a clue. But he was able to point out the Gherkin to us (as well as some other, bizarre, modern architecture), we ALWAYS made it out of the tube station at the correct exit, and he made sure we saw the coolest rooms and the Victoria and Albert museum.

We got to see a replica of David. Dang is that one big statue! And there's a fig leaf, which was used when they were afraid that ladies might be offended. It reminded me of The Simpsons episode in which Marge gets Itchy and Scratchy censored to some long-lasting effects.

We also traveled 8,000 miles across the globe to see a work by Dale Chihuly, who is a local glass artist. I'd never seen one of his larger works before, just small things which I thought were ugly. He definitely needs to do his art on a grand scale.

Anyhow, I came to appreciate the local, personalized flavor that the non-professional tour guide provided. I may not know the purpose of every building in town, but I defnitely have a taste of the local flavor I wouldn't have otherwise received.

Queen of Tourism

When it comes to bang for the tourist buck, the Tower of London is not to be missed while you're in England. It's expensive (about $25 when you factor in the current, crappy, exchange rate), but well worth it.

There's truly something for everyone: Stories of criminals and murder, cool architecture and history, myth, nice park-like areas for a picnic, plenty of giftshops, and for the Princess within the opportunity to see the Crown Jewels.

As an added bonus, you get a little taste of Disneyland when in line to see the jewels. First, the line takes you snaking through a room with a seat for each of the monarchs of England, which shows the dates they ruled and a copy of their emblem. Then it leads you through three rooms showing videos. Room 1 shows the crowning of Queen Elizabeth II, room 2 was so unimpressive I can't remember what it was (the lines were short enough we could walk straight through, and chose not to stop and watch). Room 3 shows close-up video of the crown jewels. I was afraid that was the end of the show, and was completely underwhelmed. But then you get on a moving walkway which takes you past a case with a whole bunch of crowns in it. It's really cool, because you get a good chance to see everything, and it moves slowly enough you don't really miss out.

I wanted one of the beer steins they had on display, each one looked like it would hold a pony keg.

Trafalgar Square

When I was in elementary school my parents took a vacation to London. The one gift I remember them bringing back for me was a canvas bag with Trafalgar Square on the side of it. If memory serves, they may have stayed at a hotel near there (but I could easily be making that part up). Therefore, this was the one site I wanted to see on my journey to London.

Our first visit was an accident. We had time Friday afternoon before we were scheduled to meet our host. Sweetie was attempting to take me to Leicester Square, but we made a wrong turn. I don't know where I came up with the idea, but I was expecting the square to be much smaller. It really is enormous, and just crawling with people.

London is currently making a bid for the 2012 Olympics, and the BBC has a trailer set up in the square. Friday we almost ended up being taped for something they were doing.

Saturday evening we ended up walking through the square again. At that time the BBC had set up an enormous tv screen and was broadcasting the games live in the square. There were HUNDREDS of people watching. It was really quite an incredible site.

And while we're at it, the UK knows how to broadcast the Olympics. The chosen event is broadcast, and you get to watch it from beginning to end. So simple, so unique! In the states are forced to watch the history of the US in the event, the life story of every US athlete participating in the event, and a bunch of other feel-good stuff not related to the event at all. And for all I can tell, when watching the Olympics in the US there are no other countries competing, because they don't bother to introduce any of the other athletes.

This year the US broadcast of the Olympics has become the Michael Phelps show. Last night while watching the games they were doing little announcements in the bottom right-hand corner of the screen as to what was coming up. Men's tennis in 5 minutes, Women's trampoline in 7 minutes etc. However, when it came time for the Men's 100 M fly they were simply announcing Michael Phelps in 8 minutes. Bad enough, but even worse when you consider that there was another US athlete participating in the event, Ian Crocker, who is the current world record holder. But anyway, I digress.

This is my Jerry Springer moment

If there was one thing I was looking forward to more than anything else on the trip to England it was the opportunity to see Jerry Springer the Opera. From the time it came out I had heard excellent reviews about the show, and friends had seen the show and raved about it.

As the sweetie says, it's the perfect combination of high-brow and low-brow. You've got some great opera music (everything but the part of Jerry himself is sung), with Jerry Springer lyrics. Go to the website and listen to "Overtly-ture" for the perfect taste of what I'm talking about.

The show is coming to the states next year, and you really need to check it out. Hopefully it will tour to a town near you. Of course, I'm assuming that if you're reading this blog you're a friend of mine who is not in the least bit easily offended. The performance really does cross a LOT of lines of good taste, but it does it so well it really is enjoyable. I don't want to go into too much detail, because it's much better if you experience it for yourself, but let's just say I was laughing so hard I was crying at the end of Act 1.

David Soul (aka Hutch of Starsky and Hutch fame) played the role of Jerry. Yeah, I wouldn't have believed it either, but he did a fantastic job.

Shakespeare was here

I won't call it a trap, but Stratford-upon-Avon is most definitely a tourist town. If you have the time, and money, you can visit many sites that were importat in Shakespeare's life, and probably some that weren't so important.

We had traveled to Stratford for the plays. Our first night there we saw a dissapointing performance of King Lear the first night and a SPECTACULAR performance of The Dog in the Manger our second night there. The Playwright, Lope de Vega led a most extraordinary life, and you really should catch a performance of one of his plays sometime. If this performance was any indicator you will have a most enjoyable time. And with some 500 surviving plays of the over 2,200 written it can't be too hard to find a performance near you.

Dartmoor

We spent our first Sunday in the UK in Dartmoor. Rolling green, craggy hills. Thatched cottages with a mist hanging over them. I wouldn't have been surprised if Brigadoon had appeared out of the fog (yeah, I know it's situated in Scotland, but this slice of southwestern England definitely has that feeling).

We spent most of the day based out of the town of Widecombe in the Moor. In the town square were about 20 wild ponies happily grazing on the grass. Although wild is a bit of a misnomer, as they were perfectly content for you to approach them, as long as you didn't try to disturb their lunch.

There were a couple of foals present, and you couldn't get too close to them or to mama.

The funniest part was at one point a younger looking male pony mounted a female pony. He was doing his business, and the woman just stood there, still grazing away. I could make some really crude comment here, but I'll just leave that to your imagination.

Football Fans

The journey from Seattle to Exeter took 25 hours, not including the 8 hour time difference. From London to Exeter you travel by train via Reading. The day we arrived in England also happened to be opening day of Football season and Reading had a home game that day. That means we got to share the first leg of our train journey with a LOT of soccer fans.

The train ride from London to Reading is about 1-1/2 hours long. The four fellows across the aisle from us drank at least 2 liters of beer each. There was a fellow sitting behind me who had two cans of Fosters (one for each hand) going at a time. When we got to the station at Reading it was like there was a mob, with the chants and everyone just drunk as can be.

Had I not been traveling with two guys at this point (we ended up on the same plane as one of sweetie's friends) I would have been severely intimidated. I'll stick to being a baseball fan, thank you very much.

The Prologue to the Journey

The sweetie and I recently returned from 10 days in England. The college he went to offers a yearly study-abroad program at Exeter University. The group he went abroad with decided to do an ad hoc reunion. We spent four days in Exeter, two in Stratford, and four in London. The first six days were spent with our fellow Americans, and in England we stayed with a friend of the sweetie.

Seven of the original group were able to make it, and there were two significant-others along for the ride. (Interestingly enough, the other SOs name was Michelle as well). At first I was a bit apprehensive that I would be an outsider and bored to tears as they reminisced about their college days, but I figured that would be worth it for the first stamp in my passport. Rather, they were all incredibly friendly and welcoming of me. It was definitely all I could ask for and more.

I'm not going to blog about every inane detail of the trip, but rather those moments that seem particularly memorable or need to be shared. Just felt a little background was in order before we began with the fun stuff.

Remember -- Old Country Buffet

While on the plane on the flight back from London there was a gentleman on the opposite side of the plane speaking to a black* woman who repeatedly uttered the above-mentioned phrase. Both at the beginning and the end of the flight. The man was obsessed.

I can't believe that the woman turned to the man at the beginning of the flight and asked, "Excuse me, do you know where I can find enormous amounts of mediocre-quality food while in the United States?" Which MUST mean that the guy thinks Old Country Buffet really is good food.

Evidence that this man is not alone: Several years ago Old Country Buffet bought out Granny's Buffet restaurants. They've changed the name of all the old Granny's Buffets to Old Country Buffet. Well, all but one. In Kennewick, Washington, the Granny's Buffet got to retain it's name because it's less than 1 mile from the Old Country Buffet, and they were afraid if they changed the name that one of the brances would lose significant business. Of course, Kennewick, Washington, considers Olive Garden high cuisine.

Getting off the plane I wanted to go over to the woman and apologize on behalf of my country, but customs awaited me, instead.

* I know it's not politically correct, but I doubt she was African-AMERICAN, and I don't know what country she was from, so what is the correct way to refer to someone in that situation?

Tally Ho Mates!

Well, I'm off to London on Friday morning, and there is far too much to do in the next few days to allow me time to post to the blog. That also explains the dearth of posts in the last few days.

I return on August 18, so tune in then for news on the trip and whatever other random musings have been floating around in my head as of late.