2004

Baseball a plenty
First Passport, trip to England
Five Spot proposal

That's as much of a year-in-review you're getting from me. Thank KUOW's program The Conversation for the haiku. Their program yesterday asked folks to review 2004 in 60 seconds or less, bonus points if you could do it in a haiku. I was inspired. Didn't get a chance to listen to the show, so don't know if mine got read on air or not.

On Hockey

It just occurred to me...

Last season the Stanley Cup was won by a team in sunny Florida.

This season there is no season.

Coincidence?

The Amazing Race 6: Episode 7

Rules of Competition Reality Show TV:

• Don't end an episode with "To Be Continued"
• If you DO end an episode with "To Be Continued," DON'T follow it up the next week with a clip show
• If you DO follow it up the next week with a clip show, show clips that are worthwhile. This means do NOT just reshow clips we've already seen. Especially not clips that you've show in teasers and previews and commercials. Go into more depth, show interviews we haven't seen before, show events that weren't able to make it on TV.

I believe this week's episode was the most useless episode of reality TV ever. And, if possible, I hate Jonathan even more now.

Resolutions

I have me a Resolution for the impending New Year. Last time I had a resolution was 2000, when I resolved to not get into a car accident (accidents resulting from idiots running red lights in both 1998 and 1999 prompted that one). Last time I had a real resolution was perhaps in a past life.

This year my resolution is to not waste food. Meaning, when I buy things like fresh vegetables I should actually use them, rather than allowing them to accumulate and disintegrate in the fridge, thereby being forced to throw them out.

I've started implementing the resolution already, and so far it's been quite a culinary adventure.

I had roasted a couple of red peppers end of last week for a recipie I wasn't then able to prepare, so last night we had Roasted Red Pepper Salad with Bacon Dressing and Pine Nuts for dinner. It had the added bonus of allowing me to use the last of the pine nuts left over from the hummus I made on Friday.

I bought a loaf of really good bread to go along with last night's dinner, so tonight we had Beef Stew with Stout to give an excuse to eat some more of that bread.

Tomorrow night we're going to a party, but Thursday's dinner will feature some or all of the following: Potatoes (if they aren't already rotten), bread, parmesan cheese, italian parsley, beef stock, mixed green salad.

The Language of Mercedes

Apparently when you drive a Mercedes Minivan not everyone is worthy of parking in the parking spot you are abandoning. So even though the car wishing to take your spot is giving you 4-5 stalls worth of space to back up, you just aren't going to do it if they aren't worthy.

Mr. Mercedes Sedan? Nope, sorry.
Ms. Subaru Forester? I don't THINK so.

I don't think a car within a 3 mile radius was worthy this evening.

Grrr...

People like this just really put me into a bad mood.

Thanks to Jack Bog for the link. As upset as it makes me, I'm glad I got the opportunity to get up on my soapbox where someone MIGHT hear a LITTLE something of what I have to say.

It's not difficult, people:

1. Don't abuse your spouse
2. Show compassion for the less-fortunate, be they less-fortunate financially, physically or mentally
3. Remember, everyone is someone's son or daughter, and a lot of people are someone's brother or sister. And all the bad seeds aren't from one bad family, so show compassion for us good seeds who got stuck with a less-than-perfect branch on the family tree. You've got crooked branches, too, so we should all show them with pride rather than trying to prune them off.

The Language of Lexus

So, apparently, when you are backing out of a parking space in a crowded parking garage and a Lexus is coming down the ramp full-speed when he flashes his headlights at you that means:

You're safe to continue backing out. I'm going to continue at full-speed, but if you aren't moving forward by the time I get to your spot which is 10 stalls in front of me then I SHOULD be able to stop in time. But if I don't, I'm big enough that I can just squash you like a bug, and really, where's the harm in that?

Zit Zapper

I have found a miracle product, and I must now spread word about it to all who will listen.

First, a bit of history. Over half my life I have been plagued by acne. Due to a brother who suffered worse than I did in the teen years I made it on the fast-track to thwarting it. That means I had a dermatologist, and after a token try at tetracylne the doctor did not pass go, did not collect $200, and moved me past all other treatment options straight to accutane. As I understand it accutane is basically mega-doses of Vitamin A which completely dry out your system, thus killing off the acne. Side-effects include chapped lips, dry skin, and it can cause mega birth defects if you were to become preganant while taking it. You must take monthly blood tests while on the medication to make sure your system doesn't go completely out of whack. Serious stuff, but worth it when you're a teenager with the world's largest connect-the-dots game running across your face.

I went on the drug three times through high school and college. The final time I went my former dermatologist had retired, and even though the new doctor had my records it took a lot of sweet-talking and some Jedi mind tricks to get her to go straight to the accutane. That, combined with the fact that the drug ran somewhere around $200/month in the mid-90's and lousy prescription coverage for much of the last 10 years has made me not want to go back down that route. The acne still persisted, but to a level where I could mostly deal with it.

When Sweetie and I traveled to England this summer I had forgotten to pack my makeup bag. I don't normally wear much makeup, but there were a few times where I would have liked to have a little something on. At first I was just going to deal, but it was Clinique Bonus Time at Boots, a drug-store chain, so I took advantage of the opportunity.

Within the bonus gift I was given was an anti-blemish gel. I didn't even notice it until a few weeks ago. But I happened to have a particularly annoying zit at the time, so figured I'd throw a little on and see what happened. THIS STUFF IS AMAZING!

Best way I can tell you how it works, it to tell a story. Once upon a time a friend, we'll call her Heather, went to her high school senior prom. When she left for the evening her hair and makeup were flawless and her complexion was fine. She went to dinner, went to the dance, got home and there was an ENORMOUS zit on the end of her nose. It had to have grown over the course of the evening. She was sure that while she was sitting at dinner the enthralled look on her date's face was not due to the scintillating conversation, but because he was watching the zit that ate New York growing on the tip of her nose. Well, this stuff does that in reverse. Put it on before you go to bed at night and when you wake up in the morning the zit may not be completely gone, but it's just a tiny red dot rather than a bulbous mass of puss.

Best I can tell, the US equivalent is this stuff. I strongly suggest you make your way to your local Clinique counter and stock up. Unless you're one of those sick people who never gets blemishes, in which case I would like to put a curse on you now.

Ben Folds is a Genius

Among my Christmas gifts this year was the CD "Has Been" by William Shatner. If you are a reader of this blog you must get yourself a copy immediately. It may not appeal to everyone, but it will appeal to my friends and people are at all on the same wavelength as me.

Don't let memories of Shatner performing "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds" detract you. He's no better of a performer on this CD, but there are now collaborators and music that enhance Shatner's talents rather than draw attention to the cheese factor.

For example, the song "You'll Have Time" which is about the fact that we are all going to die someday. It features a gospel choir singing background. In one part of the song Bill lists off several people who are now dead. Really, hearing a gospel choir sing Joey Ramone is reason enough to by this CD.

"Trying" features Ben Folds and Aimee Mann on backup vocals. If there were ever two voices meant to harmonize it is Ben Folds and Aimee Mann. If anyone out there has any direct connection to either of these two you need to tell them that they need to go record an album together because that would totally kick ass. And if Aimee Mann is the one you know, then you need to pass that information along to me, because she is one of Sweetie's favorites.

And I could go on more about how much this CD kicks ass, but then you'd be sitting here reading this rather than going out and just buying the CD already. So we'll just leave it at this... there is a song which Ben Folds co-wrote and produced which is a "duet" featuring William Shatner and Henry Rollins. Really, you've got to hear it to believe it.

The Joy of Cooking

We are now up to emergency trip to the store #3 for the Great Christamas Cook-Fest of 2005. (Just came up with that name now).

For the various family events over the next two days I am preparing four dishes.
- Hot Buttered Rum (at the request of the sweetie)
- an appetizer for the family gathering this evening
- a contribution to lunch tomorrow (hummus)
- a starch for dinner tomorrow night (parmesan biscuits)

The plan was to do the shopping on Wednesday and cook on Thursday. Did the shopping, made the hot buttered rum mix early so I could pawn some off on co-workers Thursday because the recipie I have makes a lot.

Last night after the expedition to the mall I jumped into the task ahead. Was planning on making tuna and roasted red pepper crostini for the appetizer. Had sweetie-friendly mayo in the cabinet at home, so didn't bother with that at the store. Got into the thick of the recipie and took a look at the ingredient list on the back of the mayo. Has corn in it. Means it's not family friendly. Time to go to the store. Except they don't make fully family friendly mayo for Sweetie's family. I can buy mayo Sweetie can have OR I can buy mayo his dad can have. The fun of a family with food allergies!

After a minor breakdown at Whole Foods I was able to regroup in the cookbook aisle and find a recipie for tapendade that used the ingredients that were sitting in the food processor at home (tuna, capers, garlic and lemon juice) and only required me to buy some olives. Dish #2 crossed off the list!

Then I dug into the hummus. Except there was no italian parsley in the fridge. I bought italian parsley during the initial shopping trip, so one of two things happened. Perhaps the parsley never made it into the bag. More likely is that it went into the garbage right when I got home. Since I took the opportunity of unpacking the bag to clean out the fridge, including some really old and nasty parsley, and I think maybe all the parsley went into the garbage at the same time. Normally I wouldn't care so much - just leave it our, or use dried parsley from the spice rack - but it's also a required ingredient in the biscuits. So it was a 9 pm trip to the store to grab some more parsley. Dish #3 done, one more to go!

Editors Note: After all that, I forgot to put the parsley in the biscuits. There's now a small bowl of slightly withered parsley sitting on the counter. However, the biscuits are still quite tasty without.

So this morning I dig into the biscuits. Forgot to turn the dishwasher on last night, so am down a couple of measuring cups and am too lazy to wash them by hand. Decide, instead, to use the 1/2 cup that is still available and make it work for everything. At times like this I prefer to premeasure everything out into little bowls, so it's all ready to go when I need it. Things are proceeding forward beautfully. Except where's the baking powder? I always have baking powder at home. It's one of those things you almost never use but you've always got to have. And I can't even use the excuse it's still in a box, because all the food-type-products were moved in a special trip well before anything else and have been unpacked forever. Thankfully, I have the sweetest Sweetie in the universe and was able to get him to make the expedition to the store.

So excuse me, Dish #4 now calls my name.

Masochistic Me

Today the bosses gave me a half-day off and a gift certificate to the local mall. Two days before Christmas with an afternoon free what's a girl to do except go to the mall to spend it. Don't ask me what I was thinking putting myself into that situation, because I still don't know the answer.

But I came out of the day with two FANTABULOUS knives -- an 8" chefs knive and a 4" paring knife. It's amazing the difference a good knife can make, and if you stop by the condo sometime in the next week you might well get to hear my ode to my knives.

Interesting experience happened while I was waiting to purchase the knives:

The fellow in front of me was paying with cash. Specifically, a $100 bill. The employee took her magic pen to make sure it wasn't counterfeit, and THE PEN MARKED THE BILL, which meant it was counterfeit. You could tell the employee was pained when she informed the gentleman that she couldn't take his money because it bore the mark of a counterfeit. The guy was flabergasted, and questioned the employee on what he could do now with that money. The employee and her co-worker suggested if he knew where he had obtained that $100 bill he go to the source and see what could be done. As luck would have it, the guy had just gotten it from the bank, and had gotten two others just like it. He asked the employee to test those, too -- was the bank trying to scam him out of legitimate cash? They came back counterfeit as well.

The co-worker then took out his wallet. He was carrying a $50 and a $100. Both counterfeit.

Then they got a different pen. Turns out those pens that can magically determine whether or not a bill is counterfeit can be defective.

So if you ever pay with cash at a store and they try to tell you your bill is a counterfeit, ask them to try with a different magic pen. I'm assuming, as a reader of this blog, you are honest enough to not try to pass counterfeit money.

But enough blogging, I've got to go find something to cut with my knives.

Minor Deities

The first minor deity in my life was Rodney, the Parking Fairy. He was introduced to me by my friend Kaphine and has been good to me over the years. When I lived in the city I took much more advantage of Rodney than I do now, but it still comes in handy sometimes to have him on my side.

Tonight I discovered another minor deity, the unpacking god. There is much cooking to be done between now and Christmas, and much of what I plan to cook is most expediently accomplished with a food processor. MOST of the food processor had already been unpacked. Unfortunately, the motor was still somewhere in a box in the dining room. I vowed to unpack boxes until I found the darn thing this evening. Thanks to a short prayer to the unpacking fairy and focusing only on boxes labeled "kitchen" I was able to find the food processor motor in less than 1/2 an hour.

Which means there will be hummus for all on Christmas Day.

A Call to Action

As mentioned before I have been troubled by Jonathan's abuse of Victoria on the Amazing Race, and based on searches of this website I am not the only one. Last week I put out a request for ideas of what we could do to help. Thanks to your postings, and to talking to friends and loved ones, here is what I am going to do to help the cause. Do whatever you feel comfortable with, but I do encourage you to do something. The longer the show continues the more the abuse becomes apparent to me and to those I talk to.

1. Donate to a domestic violence charity. Sweetie's already done it, and I'll be making my contribution after posting this. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence would be a good place to go if you don't know of a local shelter or organization that could use your help. When you make your donation mention that it is in response to Jonathan and Victoria on Amazing Race 6. If we make enough donations our voices will be heard, and why might help these women's voices to be heard.

2. Write a letter to your local TV columnist. Here's a directory of daily newspapers in the United States.

3. Write an e-mail to a national TV columnist. I'm a big reader of slate.com, so plan on posting to their television and surfergirl messageboards. There are other sites out there as well. Feel free to share.

4. Send an e-mail to CBS.

The more places we spread the word, and the more each of these places see a similar opinion being expressed the more likely that someone will take notice and something will be done, if not to specifically help Victoria then to help use this opportunity to help other women.

Once I've written the letter to be sent everywhere I'll post that as well. I don't care what you do, but please do something.

The Amazing Race 6: Episode 6

For the first time in Amazing Race history this episode ended without a pit stop involved, but rather with a "To Be Continued..." This is COMPLETELY unacceptable. I need CLOSURE from week to week. Even if a team isn't eliminated, at least you have an order for them to sit in for a week until the next episode comes along. As it stands now, there are 6 teams standing outside an internet cafe in Budapest, Hungary, and the wrestlers are asleep in front of the train station that will get them to the cafe. Now I have nothing to mitigate my hatred of Jonathan for the week ahead. Plus, when gathering with family for the holidays it will be a LOT tougher to discuss this weeks episode of the show. We need to be able to talk about who was eliminated and who's sitting in first place.

But here's something reality television does well: product placement. Because as teams are racing around the world it makes sense that they have a challenge where they use a certain computer to surf onto a certain website. (I don't receive product placement dollars, so you'll have to watch the show to find out that information). Survivor does this well to, when it rewards contestants with brand name treats rather than just a cold beer and a bag of chips.

Kudos this week go to the cab driver in Budapest. Jonathan and Victoria had hailed his cab and Jonathan was being his usual abusive self, berating the cab driver to go faster and get him there now. The cab driver said screw you, find yourself another cab. Not enough of a drop to eliminate them from the game, I fear, but it had to at least hurt them a little bit. Cab Drivers of the world unite: we must stop this prick now!

You're It!

The holidays have come early to the land of Swank. And not just because we did our Christmas celebration at my parents' place this weekend.

I have been involved in what may well be the world's longest game of phone tag recently. It began on November 29, 2004. Virtually every business day from then until today at least one call has been made in one direction as I've tried to get a hold of a fellow who can help correct an error made on one of my former client's accounts. Between time zone differences and being on the other line and making it into work 5 minutes late that one morning because I really couldn't drag my ass out of bed we haven't been able to connect.

When he called and got me today I almost didn't know what to do. As frustrated as I got with him over the last month (figuring he was avoiding me to screw over the former clients) he was very helpful and nice on the phone. Was only able to get 50% of the goal accomplished with him, but I've got someone new to play phone tag with now to get the remainder of the task accomplished.

Other miracles happened at work today as well. There is still a chance for these items to de-miracleize, but I've got hope that the Christmas Spirit abounds.

Holidays - Full Speed Ahead!!!

Carbfest '04

This weekend was the annual pilgrimage to Portland for Christmas. It's done a weekend early so we can get more Christmas bang for the buck. I claim it's because the Sweetie's family lives in Seattle and there are nephews and a niece to consider, but really it's because the weekend before Christmas so that we can do a day of Christmas with the family and then participate in Carbfest.

Carbfest originally began as the annual tree-trimming party of a couple of friends. There would be a tree and ornaments, lots of food (mandatory on the menu: stuffed french toast), hot buttered rum and at least one jew. Because what's a Christmas tree-trimming without a jew? (One of the friends who host the party used to work at a synagogue, so that's somehow how that part of the story got started). The tree somehow fell out of the equation over the years, but the food continues to multiply year after year.

Carbfest is a WONDERFUL holiday party. It's hosted by two of the coolest people you could ever hope to know. They serve you stuffed french toast (which is one of the yummiest foods ever) and hot buttered rum, and lots of other super-yummy foods. A kitchen table and a coffee table straining under the weight they are so loaded down with food. And you can just pick your way through all day. So by the end of the day no one knows how many nanaimo bars you've had or that you are almost single-handedly responsible for obliterating that wedge of cheese.

And while you're sitting there on the couch, unable to move as the diabetic coma sets in, you just get to sit around and visit with people. Some of the people are your good friends from college that you barely ever get to see so it's wonderful to get a while to catch up on what's been going on and get all the good gossip on the other friends you haven't seen in forever. Some of the people are people you've met at past Carb-fests, and you really only see them this once a year, but they're lovely people and it's nice to share a few moments with them and you sincerely look forward to seeing them at the next Carbfest for a few more minutes of conversation. Some are people you've never met but oh the stories you've heard, and it's nice to put a person to those stories. And some are people you've never met before. Maybe you'll never see them again, but hopefully they'll make an appearance at another carbfest. The conversation always starts out with the pleasantries and commonalities and how do YOU know the hosts. However, since my connection to the hosts involves spreadsheets and flowcharts to try to explain (and it really helps if you take notes, there will be a quiz later), soon you start to test the waters of commonalities, and next thing you now you're discussing how plagarists really should be drawn and quartered.

I'd call it cocktail party conversation, but when you're at a cocktail party you've got a cocktail in your hand and you've got to stand around all nice and proper because god forbid you spill a drop of your martini. But when it's a carbest you're all sprawled out from the insulin shock, and there's no opportunity for pretension because I really may fall asleep any moment so I'd best get this story in now.

And to top off a perfectly lovely day we go from Carbfest to Lessons and Carols at the childhood church. So it really is a day full of the holidays. Friends, family, food and faith. What more could a girl want?

Their Side of the Story

Jonathan and Victoria have a website. They say the relationship isn't abusive, but they were having fun and playing the game and it was edited to tell a certain story. I agree that personalities can be edited to show a certain story TO A DEGREE, but you have to engage in the behavior at least sometimes in order for them to edit it in. And when EVERY SINGLE SCENE is the same darn thing, well I find it difficult to believe that every other second of the race you were a model citizen and deeply in love with each other in a healthy relationship.

But go read it for yourself. I'm sure I'll comment more later.

EEK!

Note to self: After spending an afternoon at Chuck E. Cheese's playing all the race car games you must be very, very careful when getting in your real car and merging on the highway. Unlike in the video games a head-on collision with a police officer does more than delay you for a couple of seconds. (No worries, but thank goodness for four wheel drive)

It Takes a Village

The number of hits I've received over the last couple of days on variations of the search "Amazing Race 6 Jonathan abusive" are astounding. It is also testament as to just how obvious and egregious this asshole is. There are a lot of abusive assholes out there. We've all probably met an abusive asshole at some point in time, but maybe didn't realize it.

But this time we do realize it. And something in the pit of my gut says we should do something about it. We all know it's wrong. We've all imagines horrible, horrible things happening to Jonathan. Part of me wants to believe that if this asshole got what was coming to him, it might be noticed by some other people. Some women out there might realize that what's happening to them isn't OK. Might realize that they need to get out. Might realize that there are people that care, people that don't abuse, options.

That being said, I don't know what the heck we can do to nail this guy. But I know I have a diverse population of readers. Legal-minds, policy-heads, therapists, caring people. So, let's do a little brainstorming here. Let's try to make a difference.

Comments are open, talk amongst yourselves.

The Amazing Race 6: Episode 5

To begin: I know I said I would not blog on the abusive asshole that is Jonathan until he got booted from the race, but I cannot NOT comment on this evening's episode. Here is the scenario: They are in a footrace with another team (the other team I actively dislike, for what that's worth) to make it to the pit stop first and win a cool trip. They are in the middle of Berlin on their way to the Brandenburg Gate. Jonathan decides to drop his backpack on the side of the street so they can run faster. Victoria, realizing that the backpack will be stolen in about 2 seconds if they do that picks up his backpack and continues to run with BOTH of their backpacks in tow. This significantly slows Victoria down, to the point where the other team is able to get ahead and beat them to the pit stop. Once Jonathan has collected Victoria and the backpacks he HITS HER. He is standing about 10 yards away from the pit stop and the host and he SMACKS HER IN THE ARM. Victoria is in tears at the pit stop. She is cracking. Phil, the host, is completely disarmed and you can tell by his expression doesn't really know how to handle this, but does suggest to Jonathan that he go talk to Victoria. As in, "Your wife has had an emotionally and physically difficult day, you should go cheer her up a bit and help calm her down." Jonathan does, indeed, go to talk to Victoria. And yells at her for daring to pick up his backpack to prevent it from being stolen. Seriously, when is someone going to lock this guy up and throw away the key?

Here is how much I hate this guy. The team that ended up coming in first place today was Freddy and Kendra. Kendra's the woman who made the comment last week about whether or not a lake was sanitary. This week she one-upped herself while they were still in Africa. They recognize the fact that they are in a poverty stricken land, and Kendra waxes on about how they just keep BREEDING. I was actually glad that this team won the trip, because they are better than the abusive asshole. But if I had the power to eliminate two teams from the competition right now it would be these two without a doubt.

Major props to the sacrifical lambs that finally did get eliminated. They began the leg without any money, as a sacrifice for coming in last on the last episode and being allowed to stay in the game. Last season when faced with this issue teams would beg local for money. Don and Mary Jean, recognizing that they come from an affluent background and that they were in a poverty stricken land could not bring themselves to beg locals for money. So they begged off the other teams. And the other teams came through.

That may have had something to do with the fact that this episode was a tour through the unfortunate side of human existence. They began the episode in Africa at the Arch of No Return (I think that's the right name) where Africans passed through on their way to becoming slaves. It really was a touching moment, because each of the teams was given the opportunity to lay a rose down and reflect on it all. From there they flew to the Berlin Wall, and a reminder of the atrocities of World War II.

So is it any wonder that after these two escapades when several of the teams found themselves in a local pub carting around steins of beer that Gus was trying to sneak as many sips off the top as he could. This is why I'm rooting for him. He began the episode in tears contemplating a bit of his history, and ended it wanting to stick around the pub for a pint before they continued on with the race. Because even if you don't win the $1,000,000 this is a kick-ass experience that you want to get as much out of as you can.

Today's moral: Play nice with others, and sometimes you've got to stop and take a sip off the beer.

Blogging for Charity

Jack Bogdanski is donating $1 to charity for every person who visits his blog on Wednesday, December 15, 2004. So you should surf over there and donate to the cause.

And stay tuned to this space, because I think I may steal the idea from him.

Present Policy

Due to recent events, the House of Swank must institute an immediate change in holiday gift-giving procedure. House of Swank continues to accept holiday gifts from anyone who wants to pass something along. However, if you wish to receive a gift from the House of Swank, we ask that you adhere to the following rules:

• Family and friends who have consistently received gifts from the House of Swank can expect to continue to do so. You have been grandfathered onto the list. Congratulations!
• If you wish to be added to the holiday list, the House of Swank requests you make your request a minimum of two weeks prior to the holiday of your choice. Swank is respectful of those who do not participate in the Christian tradition, but has enough on her mind with the holidays to keep track of when the various celebrations begin, so asks for your assistance in this matter.
• If the gift to be purchased requires a large amount of creativity, or must be appropriate for any of a number of people (for example, the office gift exchange), the request must be made no later than the weekend after Thanksgiving, to give Swank time to find the appropriate gift.
• If extenuating circumstances arise and you are not able to abide to the above rules, at MINIMUM you must give Swank one weekend between the request and the gift-giving date. Swank's weeknights are full enough without going to the mall to pick up one last thing.
• In the case of non-family gifts, Swank continues to reserve the right to present the gift as late as the gift receiver's birthday in the following year.

I THINK my Christmas shopping is done for the year. Then again, I thought it was done Saturday afternoon, and learned otherwise when I arrived at work on Monday morning.

Who am I?

Jumping on the bandwagon started by Joe, and joined in by TeacherRefPoet.

I am Lando Calrissian. (Faulty Quiz. If it were correct I would be Princess Leia and sweetie would be Han Solo. Joe as Lando Calrissian works fine, but other than that this one got it wrong.)

I am Mr. Spock.

I am Anya. (I watched the show vicariously through Kaphine for a while and have no clue who this character is.)

I am Mrs. Cartman. (South Park doesn't really have many chicks on the show)

I am Elmo. (More proof of the faultiness of the quizzes)

I am Jeremy.

I am the United Nations.

I am Prufrock and Other Observations. (It disturbs me I'm a book I've never heard of)

I am Minnesota. (One of the questions was faulty, so don't trust this quiz, either)

I am a sleek black bra.

Thank you Mr. Meier and Frank Manager Man

Last night I popped into Whole Foods to pick up some stuff for dinner. The checker, who I've had before, had a bit too much Children of the Corn going on for my liking. She was overly peppy, asking questions as if on cue, and when I really looked at her I could swear her eyes were a bit glazed over. I'm chalking it up to holiday shopping insanity.

However, that brief moment made me extremely thankful for a life-altering event that happened to me nearly 11 years ago, and I must now publicly profess those thanks.

I ended my college career as a marketing major. The goal being that, once I graduated, I would procure a job in marketing which would allow me to live happily ever after. I didn't want to be a salesperson, I wasn't willing to make the financial and locational sacrifices necessary to make it in advertising, market research bored me to tears, so I felt I was being drawn towards a career in retail. I had experience and it was a diverse arena which would likely keep me entertained. Why not?

Meier and Frank, a division of the May Company recruited heavily at my college campus. I had been to the open houses and had developed a rapport with the recruiter. I'm lousy at developing rapport with strangers, so that was karma in my eyes. It didn't hurt that they had a pretty good training program that would have paid well and allowed me to locate to my city of choice. This was my dream job, and it was mine for the taking.

The career center at my college had a point/bidding system in place for the more popular placements that came to campus. If all the interview slots were guaranteed to fill up and then some then you would be allowed to bid for a chance to participate. You were allotted a certain number of points at the beginning of the year. You could bid as many as you had remaining for a chance to interview. Highest bidders got the slots and had the points deducted from the total. That way if you REALLY wanted an interview with just that ONE company you were almost guaranteed a slot, but you could also just bet a few points and see what fate handed you. I didn't even need to turn to fate for this one. It was, notoriously, one of hardest interviews to get when it came to bidding. However, they allowed you to pre-submit your resume and would hand select a choice number of students that they WANTED to interview. BINGO! I made it past that cut, because the recruiter loved me and wanted me to work there. I was in!

Because of the sheer magnitude of students interviewing with them, the recruiter would bring several store managers and other executive types to help him with the first round of interviews. I believe I got a store manager for my draw, I don't recall his position exactly but he is the one I wish to thank.

I remember walking into the tiny little interview room crammed into the basement of the administration building, because the first thought that crossed my mind was that I was wearing a suit I had purchased from a different retail chain. The sort of suit that likely wouldn't be offered for sale at Meier and Frank. How could I have been so stupid as to not wear clothes they sell for an interview with them? Oh well, they loved me, this was all simply formality.

The first words out of the interviewers mouth were how he was intimidated to be interviewing me. Apparently my academic accomplishments, paired with campus activities and a brief stint outside of college working for a living made for a resume that intimidated a retail sales executive. The interview went pleasantly enough, and I sat home that night waiting for the call to invite me back to round two.

That call never came. If memory serves I did get a message on my answering machine basically saying thanks for taking the time, but I really needed to have grander plans than retail sales. They could identify that I'd be bored with what they had to offer before the first day was through. They knew I'd be the children in the corn employee before too very long.

And you know what? They were right. It took me some time to come to that realization, but that wasn't the career for me. Not sure I've determined what IS the career for me, but that one's definitely off the list. (Well, until I open my own shoe store, but that's going to be a while).

So, thank you Mr. Meier and Frank Manager Man. I may not remember your name, but you definitely had a large impact on my life.

Disclaimer

I'm a pretty live-and-let-live kinda gal. I will express my own opinions on things, but happily co-exist with those who do not share my views.

I will admit that I often have difficulties when people do stupid things that make my life difficult, but that's just the way it is. But when it comes to moral/ethical sorts of questions, as long as your point of view does not harm others and you do not try to foist your point of view on me, we'll get along just fine.

For example: if you are a vegetarian and want to eat vegetarian things, that's fine by me. I'll do my best to meet your dietary needs when you come over to dinner, and won't invite you next time I go out for some BBQ. However, if we go out to a place that will cater to both meat-eaters and vegetarians and I happen to choose the meat option don't get all nasty on me. I don't have a problem with eating meat myself. And with Sweetie's food allergies it would be near impossible for him to become vegetarian, eat a healthy diet and have any variety of food available to him at all. But there's room for both of us in this world.

When I express opinions on the way I choose to do something, or an opinion I have, don't take it as my trying to convert you to my way of thinking. We can agree to disagree.

I simply mention this because I am about to compose a post on the wedding blog that may raise the ire of some of my readers, because I know there are several different approaches to life and mine is not the only way. I'm not saying because your way is different it is wrong, I am simply saying it is wrong FOR ME.

Just want to make sure we're all happy friends at the end of the day.

The Amazing Race 6: Episode 4

Lots of people need little notes after tonight's episode:

Kendra: Your whining is really starting to grate on me. You had a challenge in a pink lake today. American television producers picked this task for you to do. I don't really think you need to ask if it is sanitary and question whether the pigmentation comes from blood.

Producers: When the final team leaves the final challenge AGES after the rest of the teams have completed it you do NOT need to have the big suspenseful cliffhanger of Phil standing at the Pit Stop wondering who will check in last. It seems the farther behind the final team is the longer the suspense gets dragged out.

Gus: I beg of you to keep your shirt on! Your man-boobs were frightening! Sweetie insisted on rewinding the tape over and over and over again to watch. The TiVo ended up freezing on him so he had to restart and he missed a few minutes of taping NYPD Blue. I hope it's a really important moment of NYPD Blue he missed and he lives to regret that.

Anyone traveling by taxi in Africa: Negotiate your fare before you get in the cab, then pay the driver the full fare you negotiated at the end of the journey. You will get a flat tire. You will need to stop for gas. Your cab will probably spontaneously burst into flames at some point. That's the joy of the taxi ride in Africa. Just smile and go with the flow and you're better off than if you yell at your driver. Just listen to your driver, "No Worries!"

And a couple of notes for future contestants of the Amazing Race. You'd think today's contestants should know these things by now, but apparently not.

1. ALWAYS travel to the next route marker BEFORE making lodging arrangements for the evening. Don't trust the locals, they haven't run this race before. Tonight the two teams in front ended up in the rear when they trusted the locals that a location didn't open until 10 am. It really opened at 7 am. Thankfully for those two teams a plane flight was next and everyone ended up on the same flight.
2. When faced with a detour you always want the known quantity over the unknown possibility. Tonight teams were faced with the choice of stacking a bunch of small fish on a platform (known quantity), or going out and catching 4 fish via traditional fishing technique (unknown possibility). The teams who decided to catch the fish ended up behind. Who the heck knows how long it's going to take you to catch fish? At least if you're filling up a platform you can see the end of the task ahead.

The sacrificial lamb team came in last place tonight. However, it was a non-elimination leg, so they will get to participate one more week, albeit having to beg for money to fund their adventures. Let's see how much longer they can hold on.

Super Powers

You know how you'll be sitting around with friends shooting the breeze and somehow-or-other, no one really knows how, the subject comes around to "If you were a super hero what would your super power be?" And don't saying you've never run into this situation before, because I've run into this situation before, and it's not like I'm big on the superheroes.

The last time I was big on superheros was circa 1978, when I used to jump off the swingset in the back yard, run to the opposite end of the yard, do the gymnast jump with the arms up in the air, and pretend that I was Wonder Woman and had really jumped that 30 feet. And I really don't know if I was big on superheroes myself, or if I was just younger sibling to a 9 year old male.

But back to the question at hand. I've always hated it when that question came up, because I could never come up with a good superpower to have. But last night I came up with the PERFECT superpower - the ability to be packed with a snap of the fingers. It may have something to do with the fact that I pulled a nearly all-nighter, because the procrastination had caught up with me, but I think this would be a marvelous superpower to have.

Moving? SNAP - Boxes are well packed and labeled. Everything is in a box. The crap you don't want anymore is in the garbage or off to Goodwill.

Going on Vacation? SNAP - Luggage is packed, and you can fit the entire required wardrobe with items to spare under the seat in front of you. Linen won't wrinkle, shampoo won't explode, you won't forget anything, and you won't be late to the airport because you put it off just too long.

Holiday Season over? SNAP - The ornaments and decorations are automatically packed away in the attic awaiting next year's festivities. (My Mom, aka the Queen of Christmas, helped come up with this one).

While watching the young men with muscles move all my boxes today I had to come up with a way that this could be used by a superhero, and I've figured it out. Once some other superhero sniffs out the lair of the evil villan I can come and SNAP pack it up and move it, so when the villan comes home IT'S ALL GONE!

Really, I'm surprised no one has come up with this before.

I'm Not the Only One

Someone stumbled across this blog by searching on "Amazing Race Jonathan is Abusive."

Seriously, this guy is disturbed. CBS, you've got to help us get this guy locked up and get Victoria some help.

I'm saving the tirade until they get eliminated, because otherwise my Amazing Race life would be consumed with what an asshole he is.