What Not To Eat

One of the most disgusting food combinations ever may well be a black olive and pineapple pizza on Pizza Hut's thin crust. The only thing I can think of that would be worse would be if there were green peppers on it (as green peppers on pizza really don't agree with me).

But when you end up with a free pizza as a result of a lost pizza delivery guy and a spouse who just woke up from a nap (as you are starting to wake up from a nap), well, you at least give it a try.

Thank Goodness It's Not Catching

This evening we were at a party that featured a 7-month old baby, two one-month old babies, and a couple currently going through IVF. I felt like I should have a nametag that read,

"Hello, we're not currently pregnant, and aren't having kids in the immediate future. In our condo we would have to store the infant on a bookshelf, and from what I hear about pregnant ladies' bladders we REALLY need to be in a place with two bathrooms before I get knocked up. Nope, house first, baby later, but thanks for asking."

Spam Spam Spam Spam

I have yet to officially confirm my theory, but it appears that my place of employment will flag (but not delete) a message as spam if the first word in the message is slang.

Twice in the past two days messages have been tagged as spam that:

• Are from people who have e-mailed me before (Sweetie and a vendor I'm working with)
• May have been responses to an e-mail I had previously sent them (at least one was), and
  
• Began with a slang word -- "baby" in one case and "groovy" in the other.

Apparently, there shall only be proper language used in the workplace.

The Password Is...

What do all of these dishes I have prepared/will prepare this week have in common:

Stuffed mushrooms
Green Beans with Mushrooms
Chicken and Mushrooms
Wild Mushroom Potato Gratin

Now I feel like I can't divert or the fungi police will come and get me.

Password Protected

I just told my computer to save my login and password for the Consumer Reports website. Which means that if a thief were to break into our house he or she would have TOTAL, UNLIMITED access to the consumer reports website. And realize that none of our crap is worth taking.

Warning: Dead People Ahead

Today, the local NPR program The Conversation was all about strip clubs, due to the fact that there is going to be a ballot measure in 2006 that will change the rules of the game.

One of the guests on the show was the mayor (former mayor? city council member? I wasn't paying THAT close of attention) of a small suburb of Seattle who had previously protested and picketed a strip club being built in his community. When asked why he had organized said protest his first comment was that it was not reflective of that community's values, and his second comment was that said strip club was located across the street from a cemetary.

Now, I'm sure I'm jaded on such topics because I come from the city with the highest number of strip clubs per capita. I used to live about 20 blocks (in said city) from a strip club which is renowned for it's $4 steak. Because combining charred meat and nekkid girls is the epitome of manliness (and kind of nasty and unhygenic sounding if you ask me). But who the heck cares if you've got a strip club across the street from a cemetary?

I can understand the school argument. Let's try to keep the nekkid ladies directly out of the line of sight of the little ones who aren't under parental supervision. But what's the problem with the dead people?

Best as I can figure it, they've got two potential fears:

1. The dead people will be offended by the nekkid ladies, and haunt the politicians who allowed this to happen.
2. Horny dead guys will come back from the grave to go see some of the nekkid ladies for themselves.
   

Argument #2 is moot, because there are a lot of good reference manuals out there on how to survive zombie attacks... I bought my brother-in-law this one for Christmas.

So the politicians are scared they're going to get haunted. Probably saw Poltergeist one too many times. Or read the book late at night when they were all alone. I read that book when I was around 11 or 12 and it scared the shit out of me.

Or they want to make sure they have to travel to see their nekkid ladies, so their wives and girlfriends won't catch them.

Tradition

Sweetie and I have officially started our family Christmas tradition this year.

His family always does their en masse celebration on Christmas Eve. And Christmas Dinner is generally spent at his sister's house with part of his family, and part of her husband's family. We go down to Portland the weekend before Christmas to celebrate with my parents and get in on the Carbfest action, but we had no tradition to specifically call our own.

Then an opportunity presented itself, and we capitalized on that opportunity. Due to various circumstances, the dinner at his sister's house was moved to Monday this year. Which left us a great big day full of Christmas with nothing in particular to do. Once this fact became apparent I asked Sweetie what he wanted for dinner that day, and he commented that he wanted to figure out a Christmas Dinner tradition from another culture that we could follow.

I looked at him skeptically, "There are only two of us. I am NOT making a roast." But he said leave it to him.

Apparently in New Zealand it is Christmas tradition for people to have a picnic on the beach. At least that's what Sweetie told me he discovered on the internet. He could have just made it up, but a picnic is easy, so I agreed to the deal. There was sausage and cheese and fruit and olives and some leftovers from Christmas Eve festivities, a big blanket spread out on the floor, and football playing on the TV. And it was absolutely, positively wonderful.

We've already decided that when the Babies of Swank enter the picture, it will be a wonderful tradition to carry on with them as well. We can wake up in the morning, open all the presents, then as the kids are playing with the loot set up the blanket and food in front of the tree. What kid wouldn't want to have a picnic Christmas morning, especially when so many holiday meals involve dressing up nice and Mom's fine china and having to watch your manners?

In my youth the mealtime rule was that no television was allowed. Ever. Except Thanksgiving morning. We would set up a card table in the living room, and get to eat breakfast while watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. Somehow I equate our new tradition with this activity of my youth.

But Sweetie and I have already taken this one step further. Around 2035 - when we've had our kids and raise them and they're out of college and off living their own lives and won't be able to make it home for Christmas - we'll have our Christmas picnic on the beach in New Zealand. Of course, as a teacher and a non-profit employee we have to start saving now in order to make that happen, but we're already looking forward to it.

Sometimes newlyweds are so darn cute it makes you sick, don't you think?

I Am the Champion My Friends....

A Belated Merry December 25th, however you chose to celebrate it.

Our holidays this year have had their downside, with my father-in-law ending up in the hospital (Sweetie tells the whole story here), but he's looking good and they haven't found anything really wrong with him as of yet, although there are still more tests to be done. It's events like this that make me truly thankful for what I have, and so glad that I got myself not only a fabulous husband, but a wonderful family-in-law as well. Coming from a small family - with a father who hasn't associated with his family for who knows how long, and a mother that was an only child whose cousins live 2,000 miles away - it's taken some getting used to being part of such a large family.

But that is not why I am up late blogging this evening. Apparently I must have been an extra-good girl this year, because Santa not only blessed me with wonderful family all around, and some fabulous presents this year from said family, but on Christmas Day I officially became the World Champion of my fantasy football league in my inaugural season.

Sweetie has played fantasy football for a very long time - something like 15 years. I've rooted for his team the last few years, but he asked if I'd be interested in joining the league if a spot became available for this season. I'm not a HUGE football fan, but everyone I knew who is in the league is lots of fun, and I figured even if I lost I could get some laughs out of the deal, so agreed to do it.

The league expanded from 8-10 teams this year to accomodate myself and some other folks that wanted to join (there were three new team owners interested in joining, and one owner retiring, so the math wasn't going to work out otherwsie). Due to the circumstances, I was one of the "expansion" teams. As an expansion team owner who knows nil about fantasy football my goal this year was to "not make a fool of myself." And after winning my first game, I figured that I'd met that goal. Seriously, I was afraid I would not win a single game this season.

But then I kept winning. And winning. And winning some more. I had a couple of stumbles along the way (three losses and one tie), but every week I somehow managed to sneak by. A lot of it was dumb luck, as much of my team managed to get injured at the same time, but I had good matchups most of those weeks and squeaked by.

The other expansion team has done well this year as well. He went eight straight weeks without a loss and one of my losses was to him. But as of last week the situation was such that if I were to win a game or he were to lose a game I would clinch the title. Last week I lost and he won, but this week I won and it looks like he will lose (barring Tom Brady throwing nothing but interceptions tomorrow), and any way you slice it I am the winner.

Next week I will play him in the final match-up of the year. If I win that game I will be 13-3-1, which would put me in the record book (tied for third under the season record category). And even if I lose I will have the helmet of champions, and get to write my name on it.

So I guess I didn't make a fool of it.

So thank you to the guys who made this possible -- not an exhaustive list, but the big guns of the 2005 World Champion The New Kid -- Big Bad Ben Roethlisberger, Matt Hasselbeck, Trent Green, Santana Moss, Tiki Barber, Thomas Jones, Lamont Jordan, and the New York Giants Defense.

However, now I'm fear I've set the bar too high for next season. Only time will tell.

Play That Funky Music

I now have a car stereo that is actually installed in my car. I have to get a $20 reimbursement from the insurance company for the part I had to purchase, and I still have to fully clean out my car, but I think I can claim that the aftermath of the break-in is now over.

So, are you curious how many different companies you have to deal with when some dickweed breaks your car window and steals your stereo? Well, let's take a look, shall we:

Insurance Company - to process claim

Police - to process police report

Glass Shop - to replace the broken window. They also vaccuumed all the broken glass out of the back seat and the trunk, which was much appreciated.

Body Shop - to replace the trim piece that was ripped off by the crooks, and the window molding that was cracked when they broke the windshield. I think it may be the smallest repair this body shop has ever had to do, as the customer service rep actually started laughing when he was explaining that I had a lifetime guarantee on all the paint work they did. (There is no paint work done when they replace trim work and molding).

Car Rental Agency - to provide transportation so you can both go to work AND get the body work done on your car.

Stereo Replacement Company - not sure if all insurance companies do this, but mine has one agency that gets you the replacement stereo and provides you a voucher to pay for its replacement.

Stereo Installtion Shop #1 - who can't actually do the installation, as there are dealer parts necessary that were not provided for from the stereo replacement company.

Car Dealer - to get said necessary parts

Stereo Installation Shop #2 - when you have a car stereo to be installed, take it to a place that just does car stereos for a living, rather than a place that sells appliances and DVD players as well. Then it will only take 2 tries over 2-1/2 hours to get the job done when they have to manufacture some of the parts themselves, because the stereo replacement company provided the wrong things.

Cell Phone Provider - for the replacement car charger that was stolen. Note: If you're suffering from low blood sugar and limited patience due to a car stereo installation that took 2-1/2 hours and make a scene in the store loud enough for everyone else to hear that includes the line, "So you're saying that new customers are more important to you than existing customers?" you can get a free headphone out of the deal.

CD Store - to replace the CD that was in the CD player when the crooks took it. (I went for a close facsimile to the missing CD)

Les Schwab - to replace the tire chains that were stolen by the crooks (which I haven't actually done, but at some point I'm sure I'll have to.)

My final thought on the subject: Too bad insurance companies won't let you bill them back for your time spent dealing with crap related to your claim. Even at minimum wage I may have made a killing. I left work at 4:00 tonight to get the stereo installed and purchase the new cell phone charger, and did not get home until 9:30 pm.

Biggest regret: Josh Brown, kicker for the Seattle Seahawks, was doing an in-store appearance at the car stereo store this evening. I didn't bother standing in line for his autograph, because I really could care less, but now I'm kinda wishing I had and had asked him to purchase naming rights for my fantasy football team for next season. I overheard him talking with the employees of the store, and he seemed like a nice guy with a healthy sense of humor, so I'm thinking he might have gone for it. Alas, I'll never know.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled blogging....

The Saga Continues

I hope to return you to your regularly scheduled blog posts soon, but the saga of the crooks and the car stereo continues to consume my life, so it shall continue to consume my blog's life as well.

Tonight was supposed to be the final curtain call. The stereo had come in on Friday, I had found a shop that could install it tonight. The shop was right across the street from a "mall" that I could waste some time in. Of course it was too good to be true.

I arrived at the shop, filled out the paperwork, gave Vince my cell number and went on my merry way. I was done trawling the mall in five minutes, but I got "dinner" at Subway, which took another 15 minutes, and then spent the rest of my time camped out at Borders. It was supposed to take around an hour. After two hours, I returned to the store to see what the heck had happened.

Vince had tried to call me, but got a wrong number. He had read the "5" in my cell phone number as a "3." Did he try a different number when he realized that was the wrong number? No, that would make sense. Especially since the only other number it really could have been was a 5. He just waited for me to return.

Had I waited that extra time to return to a car with music and NPR and a place to charge my cell phone I would have forgiven Vince all his transgressions. But no, I do not have an installed car stereo now. I've still just got a great big hole where the stereo is supposed to go.

Apparently there are metal brackets that come from the dealer that are missing, and without them they cannot install the stereo. I stopped at another car stereo dealer on my way home (the place I actually bought the stereo), hoping they could help me out. I'm ready enough to be done with this whole saga that I probably would have paid them if it meant I had a car stereo at the end of the night. But no, they confirmed the need for the brackets from the dealer.

Had my dealership's parts department still been open tonight I probably would have driven down there to pick up the metal bracket I need. But no, it was past their closing time. So I could just leave a message with the stereo provider and insurance company to see what to do next.

The thing that amazes me more than everything else is that everyone: car stereo installers, after-hours insurance claims workers, strangers on the street, they all seem to think that I should KNOW that this is missing.

When I look where my car stereo used to be I see a big hole with some wires sticking out. I know a stereo is supposed to go there, but I don't know all the behind-the-scenes components that are required for the stereo to appear there. When I look in the box that was shipped to me I see a box with a stereo in it, and a few bags with brackets and screws and stuff inside of them. I don't know if they are all that is required or not.

My car came with a stereo. When the stereo broke, I went to the car stereo store and said, "I'd like that one." I then gave them a bunch of money, and walked across the street to the mall to go Christmas shopping. I returned a couple of hours later loaded down with gifts, and listened to beautiful music all the way home. I THOUGHT it should be that easy this time around.

Boy, was I ever wrong.

Depending on whether or not the part is in stock, the expense of the part, and the hassle of getting it through the insurance company, I may just go buy the darn thing tomorrow so we an officially call this saga DONE.

But maybe that's just wishful thinking.

Blizzard 2005

Portland saw a mix of snow and freezing rain today. Last night the forecasters were suggesting it would hit Portland between 5-8 pm, which would have been time for us to leave had we not already been on the road.

However, it actually hit around 1:30 pm, which forced us to leave Carbfest '05 much earlier than planned. We might have been in the middle of conversations, in fact. (If we were, and it was with you, we humbly apologize). One of the guests showed up with the announcement that there was snow outside. That grabbed the attention of Sweetie and myself, as well as BDMama, since we both had drives ahead of us. When the host of the party suggested they needed salt for the front walk and the snow was sticking on the road, it was time for us to hit the road. Before nearly enough carbs were consumed.

The roads were slick, but travelable. I was driving, as I had no desire to try to give directions to Sweetie while he was dealing with the weather and such. Especially since I was planning our best route as we went.... no WAY was I going anywhere NEAR the Hawthorne bridge with snow and ice on the road.

The second phone call from Mom came right before we made it to Jantzen Beach. The first had come while we were carbo-loading, while the phone was in the trunk, to alert us that there had been a special announcement on the television about the weather, and we should skip town as soon as we could.

I'm quite sure my mother was biting her fingernails from the time of that first call, until we called her from north of Vancouver to announce we were past the weather. We hit another patch of weather, but once we hit Kelso it was smooth sailing, and the temperature was never lower than 35. I was very glad to have Sweetie by my side through it, if for no other reason than he could take over driving in Kelso, since driving in snowy, windy weather can be quite tiring.

And so we have survived Blizzard 2005! It was a balmy 42 degrees out when we got back to Seattle.

Speed Trap

A 15-20 mile stretch of I-5 through Chehalis and Centralia (halfway between Seattle and Portland) is now a 60 mph zone. It's always been a cop trap, since the state highway has an office there, but now they have officially become the interstate version of small country towns on state highways that set their speed limits at 25-35 mph just to catch outsiders on their way through town.

Friday night was quite foggy, where you could barely seen the signs, and since I've driven the road often enough I don't NEED the signs, I wasn't really looking at them much. It was just dumb luck, and me wanting to make sure I got into the right lane in time to pull off for some Diet Coke, that I saw the sign in the first place. Although it didn't look like the cops were out at 12:30 am, so I might have been OK.

Traffic was already regularly snarly through the area, so now I'm sure it's going to significantly add to the Seattle to Portland trip. But I'm sure the cops will snag their share of people.

I just hope I'm not one of them. I got pulled over in that stretch once before. In my early 20's, when it was still a 65 mph zone. I was going about 72 or 73 at 1 or 2 am, and it was only me and the truckers on the road. I got off with a warning, the cop wasn't even really interested in giving me at ticket.

A friend got pulled over when he broke the Portland to Seattle time record and got off with a warning as well. He actually had to talk his way out of that ticket, but the cop had grown up in Springfield, Oregon, and my friend had gotten his master's degree in Eugene, so he got off with a warning (they are neighboring towns). Which, when you think about it, is a bit surprising, as people from Springfield (conservative loggers living near the timber) and Eugene (liberal college students and professors who will protest anything) tend not to get along very well. But, my friend made the 175 mile trip in 2-1/2 hours, even with the delay, so he owns that record among my circle.

And I'll own my bitterness every time I'm forced to slow down as I drive through town.

If the Shoe Fits

The co-workers have already discovered I have a shoe fetish, so I've been trying to do a parade of shoes for them lately, so they can see all the collection has to offer. But I've set the expectations too high, so they were disappointed when I came in wearing a pair of basic black heels today. Apparently I'm only supposed to wear outrageous shoes from now on.

So I was pondering all my shoes in the car today, and since I did it with my glassware, I am now compelled to inventory my shoes on my blog. After all, the first step it to admit that you've got a problem:

(in no particular order)
1. Red Patent Leather Donald J. Pliner loafers
2. Black Clarks clogs
3. Brown loafers
4. Purple Doc Marten combat boots (8 hole)
5. Lime green Old Navy flip flops (with a hot pink pattern on them)
6. Mint Green Converse Chuck Taylor low-tops
7. Tan Suede Converse Jack Purcells
8. Patchwork (blue, green, and maroon) Converse Chuck Taylor high tops
9. Black Payless Shoe Source black heels (there's some lycra in there, they're actually very comfortable)
10. Purple Suede Hush Puppy Mules
11. Olive Green Corduroy Old Navy ballet flats
12. Olive green with black cowprint, fuzzy ankle boots (I THINK Franco Sarto, but I could be wrong)
13. Pink Suede Anne Klein Loafers
14. Maroon Suede low-heel loafers
15. Black leather low-heel loafers
16. Maroon leather, with a floral stitched design, Franco Sarto high-heel mules
17. Tan leather Franco Sarto high-heel mules
18. Silver suede strappy sandals
19. Black Dansko sandals
20. Brown Stephen Madden high-heel sandals
21. Olive Green Nike hiking boots
22. Blue Tevas
23. Maroon Birkenstocks
24. Tan Saltwater Sandals
25. Black Nine West heels, with a funky, curvy heel
26. Nude suede Nine West heels
27. Brown high-heel ankle boots
28. Rope sandals (where all the strappy parts are made of rope, or something that looks like rope)
29. Primary Color (Blue, Red and Yellow) elastic, super-strappy, flat sandals
30. New Balance cross-trainers
31. Really old cross trainers for mucking about
32. Asian velour ballet slippers, with a floral pattern on the toes
33. Red Old Navy slippers
34. White Doc Marten Brogues (aka the Mafia Golf Shoes) (that desperately need to be polished)
35. Turquoise flip-flops
36. Blue beaded flip-flops
37. Ugly brown loafers, that I could probably give to Goodwill and never miss

I was able to name the first 34 pairs without getting up from the couch. The final three pairs I basically never wear. The loafers were cute and comfortable once upon a time, but not so much anymore. And there was one summer I had a flip-flop fetish, as I had convinced myself that eventually I would find a pair that was both comfortable AND cute, but that never panned out.

The one pair of shoes I miss most are the pair that officially began the fetish. They were maroon (apparently I have a thing for maroon shoes), velvet sneakers by Tommy Hilfiger, but looked very similar to a Chuck Taylor with the white toe. They got worn out, so I had to get rid of them. I still miss them.

I just drown my sorrows with more shoes.

Pepto-Bismol By the Pound!

One of the new benefits being offered by my employer is a Flexible Spending Account. Basically, if you're not familiar with an FSA, you can pull money out of your paycheck before taxes to spend on healthcare expenses. The kicker is, if you don't use it in the calendar year, you lose it, so if you're not going to incur the expense it's best not to sign up for it.

I've had FSAs available to me in the past, but it wasn't worth it to me. The FSA at work has a minimum contribution of a few hundred dollars a year. I was completely discounting it, until our insurance provider mentioned that you could use the money for over the counter medicines, such as aspirin, tyelnol, or antacids. Antacids? You've got my attention now. ANTACIDS!

We are SO signing up for the FSA now.

If you're a regular reader of this blog or Sweetie's blog, you are probably aware of the fact that he suffers from some gastro-intestinal issues. Issues that can often be managed through appropriate usage of Pepto-Bismol. As in, if we are eating in an environment where we are not 100% certain of every ingredient going into the dish, and it's acceptability in Sweetie's diet, he'll take a "preventative Pepto" just to make sure there are no future issues.

And now we can get our Pepto-Bismol with money we didn't have to pay payroll taxes on. The savings are astronomical!

Heck, if we don't incur the necessary medical expenses in 2006, I'll just go buy Sweetie a few cases of Pepto for Christmas next year. And leave a little out for Santa, because all those milk and cookies are bound to give a guy some indigestion.

The Downside of Marriage

Four and a half months in, and I've discovered a disadvantage to being married.

Health insurance.

As a single girl it was easy: take the health insurance offered to me by my employer. Done! If the employer offered multiple health insurance plans to choose from: pick the best coverage that cost the least amount of money (I'm not a big user of health insurance at this stage of my life, so the specific benefits were never an issue for me). Done!

But now options need to be weighed.

Originally, it wasn't difficult. Both of our companies were with the same insurance provider, so we could simply compare deductibles and co-pays and such and call it good. And due to different premium amounts, and different ways our employers paid for our insurance, it ended up costing me less money for more coverage to switch over to his plan.

The new job came with free medical, dental and vision for employees. It was with a totally different network of doctors (a network I wouldn't want to use), but it was free and offered out-of-network coverage, so I signed up fully not expecting to use it. But you never know when the dismemberment will occur, so it's always good to have more coverage.

But now it is open enrollment time at work. And the insurance options have changed. Some interesting facts that I have learned about insurance over the past couple of weeks:
- Older people use insurance more than younger people
- Women use insurance more than men
- Non-profit workers use insurance more than capitalists
- Social Service workers use more insurance than other non-profit types
- A company's insurance premiums are based on the likelihood that their employees will use the insurance.

This is why Microsoft can offer really good benefits to their employees: They've got a lot of young men working for them, who never go to the doctor. My agency gets dinged about every single way you can get dinged, while working on a non-profit budget, which makes covering healtcare for its employees a challenge indeed.

So now we've got options. Some of which come free to me, others of which may cause me to kick in some of my paycheck. If I didn't have coverage through Sweetie's work I'd just take the free option, even though it's in the netword I'd rather not use, and be happy. But that coverage may not cover any doctor I might go to, unless it's in an emergency room. And would it be better for me to eschew all medical coverage, so I can get the premium dental coverage, knowing that I've got a periodontal referral and gum grafts to look forward to in the new year? Or should I take the 2nd insurance option, who may have doctors that overlap with the current plan, so might actually be of use to me, but then I have to pay for dental coverage, or just go with the coverage I've got through Sweetie.

TOO MANY OPTIONS!

Oh yeah, and the forms are due on Tuesday. Blech.

In Favor of Public Transportation

So, tonight Sweetie was going to help me deliver my car to the body shop, so that they could do their work tomorrow. Sweetie would carpool to work, and I'd use his car.

Except on his way home from a reffing assignment, his seatbelt broke. Combined with some other stuff that requires a trip to the shop for his car, that was going to wait until my car was all better, and that idea doesn't work so well anymore.

My damage is trim work and a bit of weatherstripping. In other words, it would be nice to have done now, but the world won't end if it waits a day. His is a bum seatbelt, and potential electrical problems. He had similar electrical problems a month or so ago, and they could not return the car to us after diagnosis because the problem was such that it could short out at any moment and cause the car to catch on fire.

So now I've got myself set up with a rental car to fix my car problems, and we'll take advantage of his carpooling to get his car issues taken care of.

We just have to pray that his car problems get done before this weekend, or we may be forced to take my car to Portland. And the new stereo probably won't make it to me until Monday, and then needs to be installed.

THIS is why I want to live in the city, where I can walk or take the bus everywhere.

Oh, So Pretty!

I do believe that the Seattle metropolitan area has the best views available to the masses of any large metropolitan area in the United States.

I first moved to Seattle in 1996. I paid less than $500/month for a small 1 bedroom apartment, 2nd floor walk-up, on a major arterial. I was about 5 blocks from the street the hookers hang out on, and ambulances would regularly pass under my window.

But, from my living roon and dining room windows I could see the North Cascades, from the street outside my apartment I could turn the other way and view the Olympic Mountains, and on a clear day I could sit at my desk at work and just stare at Mt. Rainier.

On the drive into the new job I can still see the Olympics. When I take my daily drive to the post office I overlook the Puget Sound and Whidbey Island. The drive home starts with Mt. Baker, and ends with Mt. Rainier again.

And as bad as the traffic may be, and as annoying as your day at work may have been, and as bitter as you may be about taxes and government and whatever else things may upset you on a given day in a given place, it all just falls away when you're staring up at a big, beautiful mountain.

Portland has Mt. Hood. When relatives would come to visit, we'd point to where the mountain was, but it was always just a big blob of grey. They used to tease us that they didn't think a mountain really existed there. Same thing happens in Seattle. It can appear to be a perfectly clear day, but due to haze and other factors the mountains are in hiding.

I suppose the phrase, "The Mountain is out today" is Northwest vernacular. And those are the days you know you can't live anywhere else on the planet.

Welcome to 1999

I put it off as long as I could, but I have now placed my first eBay auction.

I suppose eBay is a fabulous website that offers wonderful products to people, but to me it's the ultimate white trash repository on the internet. It's my half-brother's fault. Our family has infrequent contact with him, but every time he surfaces it seems he has some new get-rich-quick scheme he's playing around with. Last time I remember him being around his latest endeavour was eBay auctioneer. He'd go to yard sales and buy crap, then post it on eBay at a markup. Or he'd shop the local clearance sales for brand name merchandise, and sell that to other suckers.

So yeah, I guess you can get good stuff on eBay, but so much of it is crap that others are just trying to unload for a profit. And while I'm all about scoring some cheezy something I'll never want or need for a quarter at a garage sale, I am NOT paying $8 shipping and handling for my detritus.

But one of the nephews wants the Star Wars version of Stratego this Christmas. They haven't made the Star Wars version since 2002. Now it's all about the Chronicles of Narnia. And on eBay there are people who are selling copies of the game, still in their original packaging. There are several copies available, but it seems to be a bit of a hot commodity at the moment. At least within my budget. I'm on my second auction right now - I got outbid on the first one. If I can't get it within my price range the nephew will get something else for Christmas.

And soon I may be able to say that I bought it on eBay.

Small World

Sweetie and I went to see Dave Gorman's Googlewhack! Adventure tonight. It was fabulous, as I knew it would be, because a) Dave Gorman is freaking hilarious and b) I like how the exclamation point comes in the middle of the title. I'll leave further discussion of this topic to the Sweetie.

What I want to mention is that Dave Gorman (at least, the Dave Gorman of Dave Gorman's Googlewhack! Adventure fame, not sure about any of the others) is exactly one year, one month and one day older than me. I think that's really darn cool.

Almost as cool as the friend I met in junior high who was born EXACTLY a month ahead of me to the hour. (We were both born between 7 and 8 am, her on March 3, 1972 and me on April 3, 1972). We decided that made us cosmic sisters. She was a tiny little ballet dancer with long red hair and pale white skin, even before she added the pancake white. We used to tell people we were "sisses" and they believed us. When we mentioned that she was the big sister they would take pause for a moment, but never bat an eyelash. I miss her. Need to try to track her down somehow. Last time she left my life she randomly re-entered it after almost running over a friend as he was walking to school one day while we were still in college.

See, it really is a small world. And that's what Dave Gorman's Googlewhack! Adventure is all about. But I'm not allowed to tell you more, so you should see the show for yourself.

Where I Get It From...

If you know me you know I get a little nuts about Christmas. But if you've met my Mom you know where I got it from. If you'e been to my Mom's house at Christmas you know I'm downright sane next to her.

My Mom is a Christmas FREAK. Not only is there the tree, and the lights, and the standard decorations, but every little knick-knack she owns gets replaced by a Christmas version during the holidays. Her dishes, flatware and glasses get swapped out for Christmas china. Seriously, it's a disease.

For years she's been claiming she's going to break the habit. "Oh, I'm not going to decorate much this year." But every year it's the same. She starts out with just the basics. But then, slowly, it overcomes her, and the house oozes Christmas from her every pore.

My parents bought an artificial tree this year. It's a battle they've been fighting for a while now. Mom considers it the first step in her twelve-step program, but really it's just another form of co-dependency. The fake tree is because they will be heading out of town for five days, so it would be dangerous to put a real tree up now, and when they return they will not have time to put one up. So rather than just not having a tree, they have to buy a fake tree so as to fully Christmas-ize the house.

Want proof of how over the top she is? I asked my Mom what she wanted for Christmas this evening. Her answer: a water pitcher that will coordinate with the Christmas glasses.

The scariest part: One day, it will all be mine. At least Sweetie and I can retire off the money the ornaments will bring in.

Investment Opportunity

If you're looking for a good place to sock some money and get a good return on your investment, I've got a tip for you and that tip is: TIRE CHAINS.

It may sound silly, but it's not.

Two years ago I bought some tire chains for around $50-60 from our good friends at Les Schwab because I was planning a trip to Portland one weekend, and my mother was concerned there would be a blizzard, so it was the easiest option given that I could return the chains in April and get my money back.

Then I got my new car, and another blizzard was predicted, so I had to go swap out the chains.

And when April rolled around I figured it was cheaper to just leave the chains in the back of the car, rather than having to go out every time they forecast a blizzard to buy new chains.

I got the quote back today on what I'm being credited for the chains the crooks stole. $80. In two years. Now, I don't follow the stock market all that closely, but I'd call that a pretty good return on my investment.

Of course, they're already predicting a blizzard for our trip to Portland in a week and a half, so I may be reinvesting that money really darn soon.

For the Cook That Has Everything

I had the Food Network on earlier as background noise. There was some sort of story about pepper grinders, and they were talking about designers that worked for the company. One of the guys works with a lathe, another works with computers, and someone else does something completely different.

I thought they were talking about designing what the pepper looks like after it's ground. Like you could grind it out onto your salad and it would come out at little stars or hearts or flowers or something.

It wasn't until they showed line drawings of actual pepper grinders I realized they were discussing the design of the grinder and not the grind.

But how cool would it be to have little fancy-shaped pepper?

"It's Run By a Big Eastern Syndicate, You Know"

I'm 33 years old. I have seen "A Charlie Brown Christmas" at least that many times. I've owned the video for at least five years. And this is the first time I realized that Charles Schulz included a mob reference in the show. I think Lucy's delivery was particularly poignant this year. There's not even a commercial break between that and Linus' Bible recitation. Kind of makes you think....

Like Clockwork

The back is recovering nicely. I'm not at 100% yet, but I am able to sleep in my bed rather than on the couch, and am able to make it through a full day of work without any pain or difficulty. Today I was even able to wear 1" heels (the green, fuzzy, cowprint boots) without issue.

However, for the past two nights, at 5:30 my back officially says, "OK, we've had enough now. Let's take a break." Last night it happened while standing in line at Target, tonight while buying groceries. So I go home, camp on the La-Z-Boy for a couple of hours to eat dinner and read blogs, and then am allowed to get up for small spurts to throw some laundry in the wash machine, or answer the telephone.

Saturday could be interesting, as I am judging at a forensics meet, and high school desks aren't know for their back support.

A Major Award

If it weren't for the fact that my dad doesn't have a space that's exclusively his in their home, and the fact that I love my mom, I'd totally be buying Homer this for Christmas.

So tempting. Must. Not. Buy.

Perplexing Search of the Day

"really-short-hair november-2005 haircut blog"

Currently I'm the #24 site on Google, but I'm really perplexed as to what this person was searching for.

At least, on a sick and twisted level, Muppet Porn made sense.

All Swankette Wants for Christmas...

Dear Santa:

Sorry for the delay in getting my list out to you, but between the car break-in and the bad back, presents have been the farthest thing from my mind the last week. And while I'm thinking about it, you may want to find a method of entering the House of Swank other than the chimney this year. I do not know if it has EVER been swept, and have not gotten around to calling anyone about it yet (seemed a low priority during the spell of unemployment), so you could really do a nasty number on your back if you try sliding down there.

So, here's what I'd like, in no particular order:

Soundblaster MP3+, to transfer my cassettes and albums to digital format. I've been told by a reputable source that you can get them at Fry's, but I bet they're available elsewhere as well. This would pair nicely with a bunch of blank CD's with cases, so that once the music is digitized I can actually play it on my CD player.

Knitting lessons. I think I'd like to take them from the eastside location of Hilltop Yarn, but am not adamant on that. However, I do want to take a class with a real live person and not just try out of a book. This would pair nicely with some knitting supplies, since I've got nothing. Hilltop Yarn has a supply list available. I trust them to know what they're talking about.

A really nice, professional detail job on my car. The kind where they spend a long time and vaccuum or Armor-All every square inch of the car. If I don't get it for Christmas, I'm splurging on it for myself, to eliminate all final traces of the crooks. Sweetie had a really good job done on his car immediately prior to the wedding, so can probably recommend some good locations.

Registration in a Break Into Voice-Overs class through Discover U. I've been told by folks in acting and radio that I've got a good voice for voice-over work, and it would be interesting to pursue this. I've wanted to take this class for a while now, but have never actually gotten around to signing up for it.

Of course, if you wanted to buy Sweetie and I a two-bathroom home we'd graciously accept the gift, and you would be exempt from any gift-giving requirements for many years to come. :)

I've been ogling some shoes over on Dansko's site recently (I'm a size 39):
These in cherry
These in probably plum, or maybe green. Yes, they are outrageous and will probably rarely be worn, but I thought the same thing about the patent red leather shoes when I bought them, and they're a wardrobe staple now. And I'm leaning towards the plum over the green because of the fuzzy green cow-print boots I have -- how many outrageous pairs of shoes in one color family can a girl own?
These in red crocprint. Because I own no crocodile print shoes. And that's a pity.

And then there are the old standards - gift certificates for CDs, spa services, or clothes. I specifically am not mentioning books, because Sweetie and I still have some gift certificates to spend from the wedding, so I think I'm good there.

Man, I'm looking like a big consumerist right now, aren't I? But several people have specifically asked me what I want for Christmas this year, and now they know the answer and have a wide array of items to choose from. Of course, anything they might choose for me I'm sure I'll adore. Except my mother MUST buy me a Pez dispenser or I will cry. I haven't received a Pez dispenser since last Christmas, so it's as if no holidays have happened.

Love,

Swankette

Couch Surfing

When selecting a couch for my home I have only one mandatory requirement; I must be able to lie down and comfortably take a nap on the couch.

I first came to this conclusion the summer between high school and college. I was working I was working 6 am - 2:30 pm at Target, and would come home and take a nap on the family room couch before squandering the night away with friends. Naps are better on couches, as your body then knows that it's a temporary sleep, and reacts appropriately.

This couch followed me to my college apartments, and served me well. Kaphine once spent a night on the couch before she and I were officially friends. The couch was abandoned upon graduation, as when my parents allowed me to move it out of the childhood home they forbid it's ever returning (it was a brown, patterned, 1970's couch that had really seen better days).

From there it was couches brought to the housing unit by the roommate, or the futon that was no longer needed as a bed. Even when I lived in Seattle in an apartment that couldn't have been any more than 500 square feet I managed to fit the futon couch into the equation.

The current couch was a Christmas present from my parents in 1999. I knew I was getting a couch for Christmas that year, but hadn't started shopping for it yet. Then I got a call from my Mom one day at work:

Mom: "What are you doing for lunch today?"
Me: "I don't know, why?"
Mom: "You need to go to Meier and Frank and pick out a couch."

Mom had found a coupon, and it was the one day of the month that seniors got an automatic discount, which meant that if I selected a couch on that day I got WAY more couch for the money.

It's truly a wonderful couch. It's comfortable to nap on in normal couch mode, but the back cushions are removable and when you take them off it feels like a twin bed it's so darn wide. I was very thankful when the delivery men brought it into my apartment, as they had to cantilever it over a balcony to get it into the apartment. When I moved from the Tri-Cities we had to lower it over the deck, rather than carrying it down the stairs.

I became more thankful for the couch after living with Sweetie for a spell, while the couch sat in storage. He only had a love seat. I had a hard enough time with the love seat, I don't know how he managed it with his 6'3" frame. But when I moved into my home I was reunited with the couch.

And over the past year the couch has vaulted to epic status. When one of us is sick we can sleep on the couch, so as not to pass the flu to the other while we sleep. And after spending 10 minutes yesterday morning climbing out of bed due to my back being tweaded out of shape, a night on the couch (which is much firmer than the bed, and does not allow one to thrash about while sleeping), and I'm improving by leaps and bounds.

Oh, I love my couch. Although I did enter the sweepstakes to win the old couch from The Daily Show. If we win that, this couch is totally history.